Make You Miss Me
by LauraGarthwait
Summary: A/U After two years of bliss Tara's world comes crashing down when the love of her life cheats on her, Tara decides to stay in Charming and make him miss her. Regretting his decision he seeks solace away from the club and leads him back to Tara, and to a life of love and happiness together they never dreamed they could have.
1. Chapter 1

_**TARA POV**_

" _Take a breath and start walking."_ I repeated over and over in my head, looking at the bus schedule with my bags sitting beside me willing myself to get up, trying to hold back my tears. I never thought I would leave here…like this…with all of this anger, hurt, and resentment flowing through me.

This was my home. The town I was born and raised in. The town I learned about life and love in. The town I gave away my virginity in. The town that has _him._

 _He_ ruined this town for me. _He_ broke my heart. The vision of him in bed with the skanky bitch riding him replayed in my head…on repeat… I wish I could find the remote to my brain and change the channel, but I have a feeling it's going to haunt me for the days to come.

"You're leaving?" Donna's voice pulled me from my reverie. She stood with her arms folded across her chest and staring at me with her mouth gaped open in disbelief.

I shrug, "It's the best option, it's what he wanted."

"Fuck him," Donna hissed and moved to sit beside me, "I want you to stay. I need you."

I squeeze my eyes shut, "I can't be here and see him every day. It would hurt too much."

She sobbed, "Please. Don't. Go."

"I'm so sorry, D. You're my best friend and I'll miss you like crazy. I just can't stay. Please don't make this any harder on me." I wipe the tears away that managed to escape. ' _So much for hardening myself.'_

"Tara," she whined, "I'm pregnant. I can't do this without you. I'm scared. I need you, you're my person."

" _You can do this; you have to do this. Don't let her guilt trip you."_ I hold her hand in mine, "I'm so happy for you," I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster, "you're going to be a great mother. You can do this. The MC will be there for you. OPIE will be there for you."

She cried out, "but I need YOU to be here. Please Tara, don't go…just think about how much it will kill him if you're this close and he can't fix things between you."

"Pshh. He won't care. He made sure to hurt me so much it pushed me away. He wanted it this way."

"You don't really believe that, do you?" She raised her eyebrows, "he loves you. Once his ego deflates, he's going to see how much he fucked up. I can guarantee that. You're the best things that's ever happened to him."

"He doesn't see it that way. He sees it as I'm holding him back. I'm keeping him from experiencing _"the life"_." I roll my eyes. "You know that's bullshit too, because all I've done is support him and his dream to patch into the club for two years. All was well and good, then out of nowhere…BOOM…everything I do or say is wrong. Fuck that and fuck him." I clinch my hands into fists. My mood swings were giving me whip-lash, flipping from wanting to work things out, to crying, to wanting to take the baseball bat under the bed to his face…or his precious Dyna…that would hurt him more.

"So stay. The perfect revenge would be letting him see how well you can carry on without him. Don't run away. Let him see you every single day moving on with your life. Treat him the way he did you. No, don't run away and let him win. Beat him at his own game." She said with a wink. "I would pay to see the lengths he will go to get you back."

I sigh.

"Just give it a week. One more week to see how things go. You can stay with me and Opie so you don't have to deal with your dad's bullshit on top of everything else. If you decide to stay, then the house next to ours is still for rent. I could get you in there with no security deposit…our landlord loves me." She giggled. "Please."

"Fine." I agree with an eye roll. "You should be a lawyer. You're pretty persuasive."

"Thank you!" Donna exclaims, jumping up and throwing her arms around my neck. "So are you staying with me and Op?"

"Yeah until we see how things go. Do you think your landlord would hold the house just until I figure out what I'm going to do? It would be awesome having you next door." I answer.

"Hell yes. I'll call right now."

I couldn't help but laugh at her excitement. The pure happiness from my decision to stick around a few more days warmed my heart. I love that crazy girl. I'm thankful to have someone that cares so much about me as my best friend.

"Come on sister," she looped her arm through mine, "let's get out of here."

"Okay." I tucked my ticket in my bag, thankful I purchased the flexible ticket so it will be easy to change my departure date once I decide what I'm going to do.

The moment we pulled into Donna's driveway my heart pounded heavily against my chest. Two bikes. Opie's and _his._ "Shit. I wasn't ready for this. Not yet."

"If you want, I'll kick his ass out. Just say the word." She gave me a small smile and waited for my response.

"I'm okay. I can do this."

"Damn right you can. Hold your head high. Make him regret the day he done you wrong... you know what? I've got an idea." She put the car in reverse.

"Where are we going?"

"Shopping." She grinned. "When you walk into that house and see him for the first time, that fucker's not going to know what hit him."

New outfit. New haircut. A small amount of make up to bring life back into my sleep deprived, tear stained cheeks. I felt like a new more independent… more confident…ME. It was liberating.

"Girl," Donna let out a whistle, "you're smoking. He's going to flip the fuck out."

I shrug, "he's got his choice of girls. He's not worried about me."

"Those bitches don't got shit on you, girl." She laughed, shaking her head.

They were still there when we pulled back up, a part of me was hoping he'd be gone but the more confident part of me was ready to get this over with.

"Hey babe." Donna called out when we walked into the house. She kissed him, walking past Jax and ignoring him completely. "I talked Tara into staying in town a few more days so she's going to stay here with us till she decides if she's going to stay in Charming or move somewhere else."

Jax's eyes were on me. I noticed he started breathing heavier. He stared at me with a burning intensity and licked his lips, and under any other circumstances it would have had me leaping in his arms.

I pull my gaze from him and look at Opie, "if that's okay with you. I can always go home."

"Don't be stupid," Opie gave me a 'what the fuck are you thinking' expression, "you know you're always welcome here."

"Can we talk?" Jax muttered, fighting to get his breathing under control.

"Me and you?" I ask.

He nods.

"Sure." I reply, deciding to hear his lame ass excuse for cheating on me.

He starts to pick up my bag, before I take it, "I got this."

"I can carry it." He answers.

"I know you can…but I don't need you," I pause letting my words slap him in the face, "to carry it." I add.

"I'm sorry," he whispers as soon as he shuts the guest room door, "you have no idea how sorry I am."

"No, I know exactly how _sorry_ you are." I grimace, "You threw us away for some nasty whore. You had sex with someone else, like I wasn't giving you exactly what you wanted anytime you wanted it. You chose someone over me. So yes, I know all about how sorry you are."

"You're not making this easy." He sighed, he at least had the decency to act remorseful for his actions.

"Easy?" I scoffed.

"Yes. I get that you're mad but you're not even letting me apologize. You're being a bitch."

Nothing should have surprised me at this point but his audacity was overwhelming. "Excuse me?" I choked out. "A bitch? Did you seriously just call me a bitch?"

"No," he exhaled sharply, "I didn't mean it like that. You're just… mad. I get it and I'm sorry for everything."

I stared at him for a moment contemplating my next words, I want them to hurt him. I want him to feel the pain that I felt. "I was mad and I was hurt, congratulations your goal was accomplished."

"Babe, I didn't mean to hurt you." He interrupted, reaching out for me.

I rolled my eyes, "hurting me was your plan from the start."

"No." He interrupted again.

"If you interrupt me again, this conversation will be over. So I would advise you to shut the hell up." I hiss through gritted teeth. "You wanted to hurt me. You want to know how I know you wanted to hurt me?" I pause and he remains quiet. "One, the fact that you left the door unlocked…you wanted me to find you in there with her. Two, the look of triumph in your eyes and the smirk on your face when I walked in. There's nothing you can say to make me think any different. You know the saying a picture speaks a thousand words? It holds true. Your 'fuck you' expression said everything I needed to know." I pull my bottle of water out of my bag and take a sip, "I should thank you though."

He tilted his head to the side and squinted his eyes in confusion but remained silent.

"For opening my eyes up. I was blinded by you. I would have followed you to the ends of the Earth without hesitation. You doing this…it freed me. You made me realize that I don't need you…hell, I don't even want you." I paused taking a deep breath, I had to make him believe the lie-of course I wanted him but the sad thing is I was almost certain that I needed him. "I was going to leave town and make things easier for both of us. There's no doubt we have a lot of history together but why should I do that? This is my home too. You did this to us so why the fuck should I leave everything and everyone I love behind? No, I'll stay here, but just so we're clear…you and I are finished. We have mutual friends; we're bound to see each other frequently so I'd like for us to be civil but that's about as far as it can go." I forced a small smile in a last ditch effort to make him believe what I was saying or to make myself believe it.

The tears welling up in his eyes pulled at my heart strings, "I love you Tara."

"You can go now." I turned my back to him, so he didn't see my quivering lip, and started unpacking a few outfits.

"Babe." He said again.

"You wanted this. You got it. Now please leave." I muttered.

The door shut quietly behind me. I sunk down onto the mattress with my head in my hands.

"You okay?" Donna wrapped her arms around my shoulders. I didn't even hear her come in.

"Yeah." I nod.

"I don't know what you said to him," she paused, "but you made him cry and I never thought I'd see Jax Teller cry…without a death involved."

I shrug, "I told him thank you."

"Thank you?" She questioned.

"Yeah, thank you for opening my eyes. I told him I didn't need or want him anymore. That's pretty much the highlights."

"Well that explains it," Opie stated from the doorway, "he never thought you would be the one to walk away no matter what he did."

"Why the hell would I stay?" I growl. I didn't mean to be so defensive.

"Hey, I support you 100 percent. He knows how I feel about what he did. He fucked up, everyone knows that." Opie held up his hands to calm me.

"Sorry. Guess I just figured everyone would take his side, especially you since you've been best friends since birth."

"He is my best friend but that doesn't make what he did right. If it was anyone else he did it to, I probably wouldn't care so much but you're my friend too, ya know. Some will take his side though." Opie answered.

"Gemma." All three of us said in unison.

"She's going to be a pain in the ass." I throw my head back. I can hear her now, " _a real old lady sticks by her man no matter what. They don't run away at the first sign of trouble. Maybe you're not old lady material after all."_

"The matriarch a pain in the ass? No way." Donna laughed until she snorted.

"I'm gonna head out babe…go track him down before he does something stupid." Opie sighed and leaned into kiss Donna.

"So I think I'm ready to rent that house." I grin feeling more certain with my decision.

"Yeah?" Donna squealed. "Yay."

"Yeah you were right, I shouldn't give up my home because of what he did. You're here and my future niece or nephew." I lean forward and rub her belly. "I'm so happy for you by the way. Sorry I didn't say that earlier."

"Thanks I'm scared shitless, but feel a little better knowing that I'll have you next door. The whole mom thing is scary since I don't have anything to go on. My mom, well you know how she was. She made Gemma look like a Saint." Donna zoned out, thinking back to her childhood.

"You and Opie will be great parents. You're not your mom. This little angel will be lucky to have you as their mother." I hug her.

"Thank you…for everything. Especially for staying when you had every right in the world to leave."

"You said you needed me," I smiled, "and even though I know you can do this without me, we promised each other we'd be there if the other needed us. So here I am and here I'll stay. Besides, I'm grateful you talked me out of moving. I had no idea what I was going to do."

My mind drifted off to Jax, wondering what he was doing, if he was okay. It was going to take some serious effort to not think about him every waking hour of my day. Without a doubt, he's going to be a hard habit to break. I'll have to find something to keep myself occupied until I can try to get into one of the local colleges. I'll also need to try to get my job back at the diner so I can afford to pay rent and utilities on the new house. I can do this. I'm Tara Knowles, I'm independent, strong willed, and refuse to give up. I can do anything I set my mind to.


	2. Chapter 2

The first month's rent and utilities have been paid. It's official. I have my very own place. Of course it nearly wiped out every bit of my savings but it's so worth it. I don't know how I thought I was going to be able to move with the little bit of money that I had. It wasn't the smartest decision I ever made, but my rational thinking went out the window the moment I saw that blond bitch on top of my boyfriend.

I can't help the smile on my lips as I stand in my new living room taking everything in. It's a simple home. Two bedrooms. Ugly shit brown carpet, I can deal with that though.

The knock on the front door startles me, especially since Donna's at work so it can't be her. I look through the peephole, deciding if it's Jax I'll just ignore it. I'm not in the mood and honestly don't want him ruining this moment for me.

Even worse…Gemma.

"I know you're in there, I saw you through the window when I pulled up." She called out. I groan in response, blinds and curtains are definitely at the top of my priority list.

"Hey Gem." I force a smile when I open the door.

"So let me ask you one question," she narrows her eyes at me, I brace myself automatically expecting the worst, "why you dodgin' my calls?"

' _Because I don't want to listen to you turn everything into my fault.'_ I think to myself. "I've just been busy. I'm sorry. I was going to call you this evening." I lie.

Of course she sees straight through it, "you lying little shit." She smirks and steps into the house. "Nice place you got here. Waiting on the moving trucks for your stuff? She questioned looking around my empty rooms.

"No, not exactly." I mutter. "I'm trying to get in touch with my dad to get my bed but he's probably passed out again."

"Uh huh," she places her glasses on the top of her head, "you got cash to buy the rest of the things you need."

Knowing that she'd be able to see through my bullshit I decide there was no point in trying to lie, "I've got a little to get the necessities. Food, some dishes to cook and eat on."

Gemma walked around the room quietly in deep thought. I rock back and forth on my heels waiting for her to lash out at me for everything or at least get to the point of why she came here but she's not making a sound. "Come with me." She orders.

' _She's taking you to kill you, don't fall for it.'_ I shake off the warning my brain is screaming at me, "Where are we going?" I ask with a hint of hesitation in my voice.

"Get your ass in the car." She shook her head with an amused grin, "you need furniture so let's get going."

Her answer stunned me, "why?" The question came out as a whisper.

"I'm not going to have you sitting on the floor, so come on they close in an hour." She continues walking to her car.

I climb in but I'm dying to know where this is coming from, surely she knows about Jax and I. This is Charming. You can't make a move without the whole town knowing especially when the Prince is involved. "Why are you being so nice to me? I figured you'd hate me after…everything."

She sighed and shut the car off, "I don't hate you. I know how my son handled things was wrong. I'm disappointed with both of you. I don't blame you for this sweetheart, I'm disappointed because you didn't talk to me about any of it, you ignore my calls, and then when I show up here you act like you're afraid of me. I love you baby. I don't understand all of what happened or what led up to cause it to happen but we're family regardless, you hear me?"

The tears streamed down my face before I could reign them back in. To say I'm shocked would be the understatement of the year…of the century. "I'm sorry. I figured you would take his side and I'm still struggling with it so I couldn't hear how it was all my fault…or…"

"It's okay." She cut me off squeezing my hand. "I eventually want to hear what happened but right now I think we just need to relax and spend some girl time. I've missed my daughter." She smiled at me. "Now dry those tears up and let's have some fun, 'kay?"

"Yes. Definitely. Donna gets off work in twenty minutes, I'm sure she'd love a girl's day too." I answer.

She nods, "we can go to the furniture store in Lodi, eat some dinner there, and go see a movie."

"Sounds perfect." Tara agreed, laying her head back against the seat feeling relieved that her relationship with Gemma hadn't been ruined after all. She knew Donna would be just as shocked as she was.

"Let me call Clay and let him know he'll have to fend for himself tonight." She chuckled, "that man wouldn't know what to do without me. He's got some left overs in the fridge he can heat up. He knows how to work the microwave at least."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 _ **JAX POV**_

Sitting up here and looking down on the party forming at TM, I feel numb. This was what I wanted-what I thought I wanted anyways. Now that she gave it to me, I'm up here feeling sorry for myself instead of down there living _the life_ with my brothers that I complained she was holding me back from. How could I have been so stupid? She never even really complained about club shit that much. She's all I've ever wanted but somewhere along the way I lost sight of that. I let people get in my head about being pussy whipped and tied down to someone who will one day resent the club. She didn't deserve any of what I did to her, I know that. I can't even be mad at her for what she said. I deserved every cold heartless word that she spewed at me.

"Hey brotha." Opie climbed up and sat next to me lighting a smoke and handing it to me. "Still pouting like a little bitch?" He grinned, I know he's just messing with me but tonight is not the night.

"Fuck you." I growl in response. "You'd be up here crying if you were going through what I am."

"Except I wouldn't be because I'm not a dumb ass. I know that Donna's the best thing that ever happened to me, so jumping into random pussy would never happen."

"You think I don't know I was wrong?" I wipe my face angrily. "I know I fucked up…"

"Then do something about it." He interrupted me. "Stop acting like a little school girl and figure out how to make it right."

"There's nothing I can do or say. She made that pretty clear last night." I take a long drag on the smoke, "she said she doesn't want me anymore."

"She told us." He admitted.

"Is she still staying with you?"

"Nah, she rented the place next to ours. She's with your mom and Donna furniture shopping." Opie laughed, "I never thought I'd see the day Gemma would side with someone over her precious baby."

"She loves Tara and I told her what happened was all on me."

"Come on bro," Opie slapped me on the back, "stop sulking and let's go party. Donna's gone for the evening, my day has been shit, yours is completely fucked up so let's go get shitfaced. Just try to keep it in your pants, if there's even the slightest chance she forgives you, going balls deep in a croweater will ruin it for sure."

I wasn't really in the mood for partying but Tara is out having fun despite the situation so why the hell shouldn't I?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I was surprised by how much money Gemma spent on a new couch, bed, kitchen table and chairs, pots and pans, comforter set, new pillows, dishes, and even some groceries. She called that stuff the basics and said we'd rack up more stuff at the housewarming party she was going to throw me.

I had to walk out of the movie. I couldn't sit through the sappy romance even though I had been waiting to watch this movie since I first heard they were making it. I made it about half way through and that was all I could stand. I was supposed to watch it with Jax and I wasn't supposed to be dealing with the most gut-wrenching thing I've dealt with since my mother died when I was little.

"You guys could have watched it." I tell Gemma and Donna when they follow me out to the lobby.

"It was a shitty movie anyways." Gemma responded wiping away one of my tears with the pad of her finger.

"Yeah. Unrealistic plot lines," Donna wrapped her arm around me. "besides I'm starving. Me and this baby need foooooood." She rubbed her belly.

Gemma treated us to the Italian restaurant her and LuAnne go to when they're out shopping.

"How's Jax?" I blurt out without thinking, shaking my head once I realized what I said.

"He's hurting about like you are." Gemma answered giving me a sympathetic smile. "Once you feel like talking about it, I really want to understand exactly what happened. I know he cheated but I don't understand why. I thought things were okay with you two before that. You don't have to talk about it now, I see how painful it is for you. Once you're able though, 'kay?"

I nod, "Honestly, I'm not even sure what happened. I would actually love to know myself. Out of the blue everything changed. I couldn't say or do anything without pissing him off."

"Talk to him." Donna suggested.

"Maybe one day." I nod.

After dinner Gemma said she needed to stop by the clubhouse to drop off something for one of the old ladies and order the prospects to help with the furniture delivery tomorrow.

"Go get yourself a drink sweetheart, you need one. I'll be a few minutes." Gemma patted by knee and disappeared out of sight.

"You can go ahead and go in there and see Opie," I tell Donna when Gemma leaves, "I'm gonna keep my ass planted right here. Seeing him with some random slut is the last thing I need right now."

"I'll be back in a second. I just want to give him a kiss." Donna runs to find her man. I smile. I remember when I used to be that excited to see Jax after a long day. It seems like so long ago now. _'You said you weren't going to hide out from him…sitting alone in Gemma's car is the definition of hiding out.'_ I sigh climbing out of the car and going inside to have a drink.

"Hey…" Donna tilted her head to the side when I walked in. "thought you were waiting outside."

"I was going to but figured I'd go ahead and have a beer while I wait." I shrug my shoulders.

"Well you go right ahead and drink underage," she grinned, "I'll stand here and drink my nice cold glass of h20."

"At least 18 is closer to 21 than when we did it at 15." I giggled.

I caught sight of Jax in the corner of my eye walking out of the bathroom-stunned that he was alone. Not surprised that he was stumbling his way over to us. "Hey…babbbbbby." He slurred. "Misssssed you." He put the whiskey bottle in his mouth and chugged it.

"I think you've had enough." I roll my eyes as I snatch the bottle from his hands.

"..doloveme." He smirked and leaned in toward me. I automatically stepped back, I had to manually put a space between his words and add the words he left out.

"You need to sleep it off," I reach into his pocket and pull out his key, tossing it to Opie, "make sure he doesn't get on his bike like this." He nodded in agreement pocketing Jax's key.

Jax sidestepped in front of me, kissing him so quickly I wasn't sure how he didn't lose his balance.

"What the hell…" I hiss stepping back again, "you and I are not together anymore. This can't and won't happen."

On my way back to Gemma's car I see her watching the scene unfold, I also see the disappointment on her face when I don't give in.

 **A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing! I still have no idea how far I'm going to take this but your reviews make me want to keep writing it, so keep 'em coming.**

 **Also, I'm going to have a flashback chapter that explains what exactly happened between Jax and Tara leading up to when he cheated and her reaction afterward.**


	3. Chapter 3

andA/N: I wanted to do a chapter with the backstory showing what exactly happened in the days before he cheated. Fair warning: the way he treats her is brutal. It will take a miracle to get her to forgive him for what he did and how he treated her... As always thanks for reading and please review.

 _ **Day two of not being able to hold anything down has me so weak I can barely stand. When I feel better I'll have to remember to kick Donna's ass for coming over with that bug.**_

" _ **I'm kind of busy right now, what is it?" Jax's annoyance was the first thing I noticed when he answered the phone.**_

" _ **I was just wondering if you'd give me a ride to the Doctor, it's been two days of this shit and I need some fluids to rehydrate me."**_

" _ **Can't right now. Have Gemma do it." The phone went dead before I could tell him that Gemma was in Lodi with Luanne and Donna's at work. His attitude lately has been off. I guess he's stressing over club shit since he's going to patch in soon.**_

 _ **I get myself dressed with as much energy as I have left deciding to walk myself to the hospital. It's only two miles-hopefully I don't faint before I get there. If I do I'm sure someone will call an ambulance and get me there. Silver lining.**_

 _ **My legs feel like**_ **jello** _ **, sweat is pouring off of me, I can't go another step. I have to sit down on the curb and hope this feeling passes soon.**_

" _ **You okay?" David Hale called out to me pulling his pickup over next to me.**_

 _ **If I had more energy I'd roll my eyes, do I look like I'm okay, "not really." I answer looking up at him.**_

" _ **You're as a ghost. You look like you're about to fall over. Where are you headed?" He jumped out of the car and ran around to me.**_

" _ **Hospital." I reply opting to keep my answers short and sweet to hopefully not puke again.**_

" _ **Here," he took me by my elbow and pulled me up and helped me into his car, "I'll take you there."**_

" _ **Thanks." I mumble resting my head against the window.**_

" _ **Where's Jax?" He questions, his tone irritated.**_

" _ **Busy."**_

" _ **Too busy to make sure his girlfriend gets to the hospital when she's too sick to stand? Oh yeah he's a standup guy. I completely get what you see in him. Club before old lady…I guess now you get an idea what you're signing up for." He rambled on. David and Jax hated each other. David hated him even more now that I was dating him. David's had a thing for me since middle school. We were really good friends until he kept trying to take things to the next level and I had to stop hanging out with him to keep Jax from killing him.**_

" _ **Thanks for the lift. I should be okay here." I give him the best smile, which looked more like a frown given my lack of energy.**_

" _ **I'll hang around here for a bit just call if you need a ride home. If you try to walk home in your condition, I might just have to kick your ass…once you feel better." He gave me his genuine smile.**_

"' _ **Kay thanks." I wave.**_

 _ **Luckily it didn't take too long for them to take me back to a room. After forcing me to do a pregnancy test even though I insisted we used condoms every single time, they finally put an IV in due to severe dehydration. The doctor said I'd need at least two bags of fluid before he'd let me go home.**_

" _ **Well Ms. Knowles, we've found the reason for all of the vomiting." He comes back into the room with a smile.**_

" _ **Stomach bug that's going to go away in 24 hours?"**_

" _ **Stomach bug that's going to get better in 9 months. Congratulations. You're having a baby."**_

 _ **I heard the gasp that escaped my lips and I'm fairly certain my jaw hit the floor. "I've always used protection?" The statement came out more as a question.**_

" _ **Abstinence is the only form of birth control that is 100 percent effective. Did you forget to use one or did one break?" He questioned.**_

" _ **No." The weekend of Opie's birthday party flashed in my mind. In all honesty we were shitfaced that weekend, it's highly plausible that he didn't put one on.**_

" _ **You wouldn't be the first person to come in here pregnant after using a condom. As I said abstinence is the only effective way to not get pregnant. You can make an appointment with Dr. Sanders, she's the best OBGYN in California. She normally starts taking patients at twelve weeks. When was your last menstrual period so I can calculate your due date?"**_

" _ **Last month, I think? I don't even remember. I never thought I needed to keep up with it." I held my head.**_

" _ **Okay. Well, call Dr. Sanders' office and make an appointment. She may bring you in for a sonogram since you don't remember your menstrual cycle. Here's a card with her number on it. It was nice to meet you, Ms. Knowles and congratulations again." He left the room whistling the tune to the Andy Griffith Show.**_

 _ **The fluids had me feeling so much better but this news had me ready to vomit again. Pregnant.**_

 _ **Scared and nervous is what I'm feeling the most but also a little happy. Jax and I are going to be parents. We're bringing a life into this world. A perfect mixture of him and me. The image of a little blonde haired, blue eyed boy played in my mind with my compassion and love for learning. Excitement was building. I can't wait to tell him.**_

 _ **David's still sitting in the waiting room when I come out. "Hey. You didn't have to stay." I grin.**_

" _ **You're looking better." His smile matched mine. "What did they say was wrong?"**_

" _ **Stomach bug." I lie, deciding that telling David Hale first about our good news probably wouldn't sit to well with Jax or Gemma for that matter.**_

 _ **He nods, "that's what I figured. It's rough. It just hit our house last week."**_

" _ **Yep. The worst." I keep a straight face trying to hide my giddiness.**_

… _ **..MakeYouMissMe…**_

" _ **You still with the ball and chain?" Kozik joked. "You know you're going to be married with kids before you ever even see a gun fight." He laughed til beer shot out his nose.**_

" _ **Fuck that, I'm not getting married right now. I sure as fuck ain't having a kid." These guys have been busting my balls about Tara for weeks now.**_

" _ **Leave the boy alone," Tig chimes in, "if he wants to be pussy whipped in the prime of his life, who are we to judge? He loves her, he wants to stick with what he knows instead of letting a more experienced woman give him the ride of his life."**_

" _ **Shit, I feel sorry for him." Kozik chuckled, "I mean Tara's hot and all but have you seen some of these girls? They could be porn stars."**_

" _ **He wants to be in the life without living the life." Kyle shook his head. "Shit I try to eat a different pussy every night."**_

" _ **Fuck you guys." I growl slamming my fist onto the table.**_

" _ **We're just playing Jax." Kozik slapped me on the back, "if you're happy being tied down do your thing man. It's just not for most members."**_

" _ **Yeah brotha, if you're sure you can keep her and not fuck around you're all set. She's a good girl but it's going to take some major will power though when we're on a run for weeks at a time and some of those tight bodied girls start rubbing their shit against your cock." Kyle added.**_

" _ **You better get real friendly with your hands bro." Happy jerked his hands like he was stroking a cock.**_

 _ **The guys all joined him laughing.**_

" _ **You need to make sure she's old lady material before you give her the crow, wait and see how she does when you're on a run for long periods of time. You don't want someone who resents the club being your old lady. It's bad for business bro." Bobby spoke up, "I thought I found the one at a young age too, I loved her. She couldn't deal with the life and bailed-leaving me owing $600 a month in child support. I like Tara, she's a good girl but make sure she's on the same page as you or it will fuck you in the long run."**_

" _ **Aight." They all made valid points especially Bobby. Tara does get irritated when I've been dealing with club shit all day. She was mad as hell when I couldn't take that trip with her to Vegas after graduation.**_

 _ **I had a lot of shit to sort through. As far as women went I didn't want anyone but her, I couldn't deny that some of those women had my cock throbbing when they'd rub their fingers against down my chest or back their ass into my cock and pretend it was an accident.**_

… _ **MakeYouMissMe…**_

 _ **It's almost midnight when Jax finally climbs through my window. "Where have you been? I've been trying to reach you for hours."**_

" _ **I told you I had club shit to do." He snapped, startling me. "What was so damn important you called me fifty times?"**_

 _ **His attitude has me rethinking giving him the news right now, I don't know what happened today but clearly it pissed him off. I hate when he takes his stress out on me though, "I just wanted to talk to you and I didn't call you fifty times."**_

" _ **Bullshit. It seemed like every few minutes the phone would beep saying I had a missed call, I had to turn the damn thing on silent." He rolled his eyes, opening his phone.**_

 _ **My good mood was out the window, his attitude had me beyond angry, "Well I'm glad it wasn't important like I was dying because you would have been too busy with the club to care." I huff, "oh and by the way I only called you three times, every couple of hours, you somehow turned your phone on missed call reminder."**_

" _ **Did you turn that on so it would annoy the fuck out of me so I'd stop what I was doing and call you right then?"**_

" _ **Seriously," I hiss, "do you have any more accusations to throw at me while you're at it?"**_

" _ **Sorry." He muttered. "It's been a shitty day."**_

" _ **Yeah, well it hasn't been too grand for me either. I'm sick, I had to walk to the hospital because your mother was in Lodi, Donna was at work, and you were too consumed with whatever you were doing to care." I paused deciding I better tell the whole truth, he'd hear it from somewhere, "well I walked a little bit of the ways and David picked me up and brought me home."**_

 _ **He was pissed again. "I told you to stay away from him." He growled. "You never listen."**_

" _ **Well I'm sorry but I was almost passed out on the side of the fucking road when he stopped, I wasn't going to deny the ride. I tried to call you first remember, but you said call someone else."**_

" _ **The club comes first babe and as much as you hate it, that's how it is." He struggles to keep his voice under control.**_

" _ **I see that. Is that how it's going to be when the baby is born?" I blurt out, instantly wishing I could reel it back in.**_

" _ **What baby?" He asked wide eyed.**_

 _ **I drop my head, already seeing how this is going to go. "I'm pregnant."**_

" _ **What?" He stands up, pacing the floor and starts muttering. "I can't believe it. The guys were right. How the fuck was I so blind? They were right about everything."**_

 _ **He punches my bedroom wall and I flinch automatically jumping back. Tears form in my eyes, this was not the reaction I was hoping for. "What's wrong with you? What are you talking about they were right? Right about what?"**_

" _ **You planned this." He groaned.**_

" _ **Planned what? A baby? Newsflash, I didn't even know I wanted a kid until they told me I was going to have one and if it was anyone else's baby I probably wouldn't want it."**_

" _ **I'm just a few days away from patching into the club. I don't have time for a baby. Is that why you did this? To keep me from patching in? To make sure I stayed with you?"**_

 _ **The words felt like a slap in the face, I couldn't stop the tears as they fell. "I'm not the one who forgot to put the fucking condom on, now am I? Do NOT put this on me. You think I planned this to trap you? To keep you from living your dream? The same dream that I've been standing behind you, supporting you for the past two years. If I didn't want to be apart of this damn club, I wouldn't still be here asshole. I am still here but if you don't want me to be FINE then say the word. I want us to be together but I won't stand by and let you treat me like shit anymore. So figure out what you want because I still feel like shit and this back and forth with you isn't helping."**_

 _ **He watched me carefully and stepped forward pulling me into a hug, "I'm sorry. Let's just get some sleep okay?" He kissed my forehead, my cheek, my neck pulling my clothes off as he went down.**_

 _ **The sex was nice but it felt different. Too different. It had my mind reeling.**_

… _ **..MakeYouMissMe…..**_

 _ **I wake up and stretch my arms out patting the bed looking for his body, opening my eyes to see he's not there. The house is empty except for my dad's snoring that sounds like a chainsaw.**_

 _ **My stomach is doing more flips. The uneasiness magnified. I decide to shower and get dressed for my appointment with the OB the hospital referred me to. She wanted me to come in as soon as possible to see how far along I am. I'll try to call him later. Given his mood last night I don't want to bother him if he's in the middle of more club shit.**_

' _ **He's not even patched in yet and he's always gone.' I sigh. I can't let him see my discontent with the club and give him even more of a reason to throw a tantrum.**_

" _ **Hmm..." Dr. Sanders and the Sonogram technician stared at the screen. She moved the vaginal wand all around pushing hard to get it where she needs it.**_

" _ **Is something wrong?" I ask nervously. They continued staring at the screen.**_

" _ **Everything's fine," Dr. Sanders' patted my leg, "excuse me, I'll be right back." She left the room and the technician removed the wand and let me get dressed.**_

 _ **I sat in the chair anxiously awaiting the news. I'm not a doctor but I can tell something wasn't right by the way they acted. After about twenty minutes, she made her way back into the room. "I'm very sorry for your wait Ms. Knowles, I needed to get in touch with Saint Thomas about your results."**_

" _ **Why? Is something wrong?" I questioned.**_

" _ **Not exactly. They've been trying to reach you. It turns out there was a mix up at the hospital."**_

" _ **What do you mean a mix up?" I interrupt, my eyes squinted in confusion.**_

" _ **They mixed up your results with someone else's, it turns out you're not really pregnant after all."**_

" _ **That can't be right. What about all of the vomiting?"**_

" _ **I assure you it's right, there's no baby in your uterus. We even checked your fallopian tube to make sure you weren't having an ectopic pregnancy. It's clear. It was just a mix up. The vomiting was most likely from that nasty stomach flu that's hit everyone."**_

 _ **My face fell. Not pregnant. I should be thrilled, I'm not ready for a baby and Jax made it clear he wasn't ready for a baby but the idea of a little him and me running around was appealing. I grew attached to the little thing in my belly. "Okay…" I wipe my eyes quickly hoping she didn't see the teardrop, "thank you ma'am."**_

 _ **I decide to head to the clubhouse to tell Jax the news. I knew he would be thrilled it was just a mix up. The random stares I got had me feeling self-conscious. Usually Kozi was laughing and joking with me, now he just looked alarmed. "He's not here." He stated after a few seconds.**_

" _ **His bike's here." I reply with narrowed eyes.**_

" _ **He's with Op in the tow truck." He shot back.**_

" _ **Okay well I'll just wait on him in the room." I continue walking toward the room.**_

" _ **Tara wait." He calls out but by then I heard the moans coming from Jax's room. I squeeze my eyes shut and pray that he forgot to lock the door and one of the guys was too drunk to realize it wasn't their room.**_

 _ **Of course I wouldn't be that lucky. I was frozen in place watching him slam his cock into the bleach blond croweater from behind and her moans get louder. They didn't stop once they saw me, he flips her over so she's on top, both of them watching me. She's bouncing on his dick with everything she's got and he's smirking at me. The vomit rises in my throat but I swallow it. I want to run from the room but I'm frozen in place. I can't get my damn feet to move. "Fuck me baby. Fuck me." He moans out licking his lips looking up at her, picking her hips up and slamming her down onto him harder. His words were slurred, he was drunk off his ass before noon. I guess he needed a little liquid courage to break my heart.**_

 _ **I yanked her off of him and pounded my fist into her face before I even realized I had moved from my frozen position.**_

" _ **Stop it." He shouted, pulling me off of her. "What the hell is your problem?"**_

 _ **I slap him as hard as I can. "Nothing." I growl and shove him off of me. "Oh and by the way, the doctor told me today it was a hospital mix up…I'm NOT pregnant. So congratulations. You're free. Free from me, free to do this or what or whomever the fuck you want to do."**_

 _ **I race out of the room, turn off my cell phone, pack a few bags and head to the nearest hotel…thankful to David for giving me a ride…and promising not to tell a soul where I was.**_

 _ **After two days of hiding I decide I needed a fresh start somewhere else…somewhere that didn't have Jax Teller. I can't leave without telling Donna goodbye. It would break her heart and mine has been broken enough for the both of us.**_

" _ **Meet me at the bus station at two pm." I text. "Come alone." I quickly add the second part. I wouldn't tell her or anyone else about the pregnancy mix-up. If Jax wanted them to know what a jerk he was about it, he could tell them.**_

 _ **My tickets bought, I'm ready to go. I don't know exactly where I'm going but Chicago will be a good starting point. I look up and see Donna racing into the station with a determined expression. She's a woman on a mission and I have a feeling that mission is to get me to stay.**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's note: For Logan's character I pictured Jensen Ackles (Dean from Supernatural) as far as looks and car.**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy this update. Please let me know what you think.**_

 **TWO WEEKS LATER**

Avoiding Jax since that night at the clubhouse has been my top priority. He's not making it easy on me, either. Everywhere I turn-there he is. Lurking. Giving me those sad puppy dog eyes that melt my heart.

Everyday it's getting a little easier, a fact that Jax and Gemma alike are hating. I know she wants me to forgive him, she wants our _"family"_ back to normal. I just can't do that. I can't pretend that everything is okay when it's not.

I'm just grateful to have Donna in my corner. She's about the only one who isn't scheming to get us back together. Even Opie has been dropping little hints. " _Jax misses you. He's sorry. You should work things out._ " He knows Jax cheated and that's all he knows so I can't blame him too much for taking Jax's side-even though he said that's not what he's doing. He says Jax was an ass and that I have every right to move on with my life if I want…but he hopes we can patch things up. Not Donna, she's all for me moving on with my life.

"I don't know how I let you talk me into this." I smooth out my dress, staring in the mirror.

"He's nice," Donna grinned clipping my bangs back, "it'll be good for you to get out for a while. You're young. You're hot. Stop acting like such an old lady. Besides, once you see him…you're going to thank me."

"Don't hold your breath." I say letting out a sigh that turned into a groan once my doorbell rang.

"He's here." She squealed, "remember you promised to try…really try to have a good time." She swatted my ass and ducked out my back door before I could stop her.

I guess I'm flying solo on this one from the get go. Bitch. She said she'd be here for the introductions. "Let's get this over with." I mutter as I walk to the door.

Seeing him standing on the other side had my heart racing. She wasn't lying when she said he was gorgeous. Tall-I'd guess about 6 feet, dark hair, beautiful green eyes, with a nice build. He's not too skinny and not super muscled up either.

"Are you Tara? Donna's friend?" He asked with a smile, letting his eyes wander down my body before snapping them back up to look me in the eye.

"Yes." It was all I could manage without stuttering like a fool. I've had to silently remind myself to breathe and not drool looking at him. Donna was right, I'll be thanking her…without a doubt. "You're Logan?" I question when he doesn't respond. Either having the same internal battle as me or planning to kill Donna for setting us up.

"Yeah. Sorry. You're beautiful, it just caught me off guard." He blurts out looking unashamed of his boldness. "I mean Donna told me that you're really pretty but her description of you didn't do you justice. You're…wow." He said sounding breathless-which boosted my ego just a bit.

"Thank you," I could feel the blush creeping up on my face, "I was thinking the exact same thing about you." It suddenly hit me that we should take this elsewhere, standing on my front porch where Jax could literally turn up at any second "just visiting Opie" is not how I want this first date to go. "You ready to go?"

"Yes. Definitely." He walks us to his car and opens the passenger door for me. "Thank you." I grin and climb in. "Nice car." I add. I've learned a lot about cars hanging around the garage for most of my life. This one is a Black 1967 Chevy Impala, it's obvious from the mint condition that he takes excellent care of it.

"She's my baby," he smirks and fires up the engine, "do you mind if we head into Lodi? I don't know much about Charming."

"No, I'd actually prefer to go there. Charming doesn't really have anything date worthy."

"Doesn't look like it has much of anything." He replies looking around.

"Nope. Not really." I mutter. "It's small but I like it. I've lived here my whole life; I know practically everyone so it's home."

"I grew up as an army brat so we've lived all over. My dad recently retired and my parents chose to settle down in Oakland. We've only been in California a few months but so far I like it. More so now than before." He winks at me. I feel my heart beat a little faster in response to his not so subtle flirting.

"I'd probably hate having to move all over the world, but I bet you got to see a lot of really cool places."

"It was hard changing schools so often, always having to start over and make new friends, always being the new kid but you're right I did get to see a lot of the world and experience things most people don't ever get the chance to."

It was nice being able to have a normal conversation with someone that didn't revolve around Jax Teller or SAMCRO. I'll definitely have to thank Donna later.

xxxMakeYouMissMexxx

I fucked up big time, Tara won't even talk to me. She barely even looks at me. She said we could be friends but I don't even think she wants that. I don't know how to make things right with her. I've told her repeatedly how sorry I am but she chooses to ignore me.

"I think we may really be over." I empty the beer can in front of me.

"You getting shit-faced drunk every night ain't gonna win her back." Opie took a long drag of his smoke.

"Nothing is gonna win her back." I drop my fist down onto the bar. "She doesn't even care that I'm trying. She doesn't care that I haven't fucked anyone. She's just doesn't want me."

"I don't know what happened man…" Opie paused when Tig walked in interrupting him, "she's moved on bro. Stop sitting in here crying like a little bitch and go fuck a slut in the ass, it'll make you feel better."

"You're not helping." Opie growls.

"I'm just telling him the truth. She's moved on. She's with another man right now. Kozik saw her. She's not home." He stated as I jumped up from the bar staggering and fumbling for my keys.

"Sit down." Opie shoved me back down onto the stool. "He's just fucking with you."

"Actually he's telling the truth." Juice objected. "Kozik sent me this." He held out his phone with a picture of Tara and some douche bag. "It was taken a few hours ago at the burger place on Fisk Street."

Fuming I jump up again, ready to beat this fucker into next week for potentially fucking things up with getting her back.

"Who is he?" I shout when Donna walks into the clubhouse.

"Who's who?" She squints her eyes in confusion or mock confusion. I know she knows who Tara is with. Tara tells her everything.

"Don't play dumb with me." I shout again, "who the fuck is the guy Tara's with?" I snatch the phone from Juice's hand and show her the picture.

"Do not take that tone of voice with me, Jackson Teller." She pokes me in the chest with her finger, "it doesn't matter who he is. You're NOT going to mess with them. You better leave her the fuck alone. You had your chance. You blew it."

"Fuck you. You don't know shit." I hiss and storm toward the door.

"She's not home." Donna calls out to me, shaking her head in anger.

I've had too much to drink to care about anything other than finding my girl and killing the bastard that chose to take her out.

xxxxMakeYouMissMexxxx

"I had a great night. You mind if I call you sometime?" Logan asks as he walks me to my door.

"I'd like that." I reply. "Thank you for dinner. I had a lot of fun." I smile rocking on my heels-wanting him to kiss me but part of me thinking it's too soon.

"Me too." He leans in placing a tiny kiss on my cheek looking at me for approval, I give him a small nod and he kisses my lips softly. "Goodnight Tara." He sighs.

"Goodnight Logan."

"I'll call you soon." He walks still holding onto my hand before letting go with a frown and walking toward his car.

When he pulls out of sight, I look at my phone. A text from Donna, _"someone sent Jax a picture of you and Logan. He's drunk and flipping the fuck out…probably headed to your house."_ Great. I groan internally. Nope, I'm not going to do this right now. I shake my head and climb into my car deciding to go to the clubhouse since Jax isn't there and thank Donna in person for setting things up with Logan.

"Did you see him? Jax I mean?" Donna asked when I pulled in the lot.

"Nope. You said he was coming, so here I am. He'll probably show up here soon though and then I'll have to leave again but before that happens you were right…I am thanking you. Logan is awesome and so freakin' hot."

"So you two hit it off?" She grinned. "I told you!" She jumped up and down.

"I think so, he asked if he could call me sometime and he kissed me." I bite my lip thinking about the kiss. He's got a lot going for him, he's sweet, good looking, a nice car, and the few seconds that I kissed him-an extremely good kisser.

"Get it girl." She laughed.

The roar of the motorcycle speeding onto the lot told me someone tipped Jax off about my arrival.

"Who's the guy?" He shouted looking around the clubhouse. "Where is he? Is he here? Please tell me you brought that fucker here."

My fuse with Jax since our debacle was already relatively small but him shouting at me had it non-existent. "It's none of your business who he is and NO he's not here."

"I can't fucking believe you." He hisses.

I glance around the room and notice all eyes are on us. No one is making a sound. Aside from Jax's yelling, you could probably hear a pin drop. Everyone is watching us. At this point, I honestly don't care.

"You can't believe me? Tell me you're joking."

"No, I can't believe you. All I've done for weeks is try to win you back. I've tried to make things right between us but instead of trying and being my old lady…you're out fucking around."

That's it. He's crossed the line, "Fuck you. You want to talk about crossing the line. Let's talk about that for a minute, shall we? You crossed the line long before I did." I probably should have set the record straight that I hadn't been with anyone but him in years but my mind's racing, my heart is hammering against my chest, my anger is too far gone to reign in. "You crossed the line when I thought I was pregnant and you said I was trying to keep you from patching in…TRAP you into being with me. Oh, and you crossed the line when you fucked that whore right in front of me and smiled at me while you did it. Your actions made it perfectly clear you didn't want me and you didn't want our baby. You wanted to hurt me. You wanted to break my heart so don't you dare fucking talk to me about crossing lines asshole."

The audible gasps at my revelation confirmed my suspicion, no one knew any of the true details surrounding our break up. I didn't mean to tell them but at least now maybe Gemma will be a little more understanding and stop pushing so hard to get me to take him back.

"You're pregnant?" Gemma being the first to speak asked.

"No." I shake my head. "The doctor said there was a mix up at the hospital. They mixed up my test with someone else's."

Jax stood there speechless. His eyes said so much. I could see the remorse in them now but when it mattered, there was none and that's the vision I will keep with me.

When Gemma slapped Jax hard across the face I was stunned as was everyone else in the room. "For the first time in my life, I'm ashamed of you." She hissed.

"I am too." He dropped his head. "I'm sorry baby, " his eyes found mine, "I love you. I fucked up. The biggest fuck up of my life and I'll spend the rest of my life paying for it. I hope one day you will let me prove to you how much you mean to me. "

"I didn't mean to ruin everyone's night. I'm gonna go home now." I walk toward the door.

"Tara…" One of the guys call out.

"Nope." I spin around. "I don't know who said what…or what was said exactly…but I do know some of you are the reason he changed so drastically. I can't blame you completely, he's grown-he should have been a man instead of acting like a little boy but you all are somewhat to blame for this. So think about that next time you want to make someone question their love for their old ladies. You may just be fucking up the best thing that's ever happened to them." I leave without another word feeling somewhat pleased with myself. I stood my ground to not only Jax but to SAMCRO themselves.

I'm liking the new confident, more aggressive, take no shit from anyone-ME so far.


	5. Chapter 5

A light knock at the door pulled me from my crying. I hastily wipe my tears away and peek out to see who's here. It doesn't matter who it is, I'm not thrilled with the idea of letting anyone see my weakness. Gemma. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine her telling Jax she was ashamed of him-or slapping him.

"Hey Gem, look I'm not really in any sort of mood to talk right now."

"I know baby," she says but steps in anyways, "I just wanted to check on you." She rubs the hair that my tears have stuck to my face back, "you're a tough bitch-I've taught you well." She smiles fondly at me, "I'm sorry about what _that boy_ did to you." I could see how much his betrayal to me bothered her. "I'm gonna back off trying to get you two back together. I still want you to work things out, but," she paused, shaking her head at the thought, "I wouldn't blame you if you didn't take him back. Hell I probably would have cut his dick off." She bit back a smile.

I dropped down to the sofa letting out a groan, "I…" Tears welled up in my eyes again, "I love him, but I can't…I can't forget what he did. I can't pretend like it didn't happen. I can't forget the hate in his eyes when I told him I was pregnant. He hated me. He thought I was trapping him-trying to keep him from his legacy to patch into the MC. He wanted to hurt me and he succeeded. He broke my heart."

"I'm not making excuses for him, but you know he loves you. A baby is a lot to take in, especially so young. He made a mistake. Drowning his sorrows in pussy is how he copes."

I roll my eyes, "I WAS SCARED TOO!" I didn't mean to shout at her. I understand what she's saying but I refuse to listen to someone defend his actions-even if she says that's not what she's doing. Clearly it is. "I'm not ready for a baby. Not even close and I thank God that the Doctor was wrong but there is NO defending what he did. I stood by him through EVERYTHING. The mood swings, the runs away for weeks at a time even before he patched in, his whole hateful demeanor in the final days of our relationship even before I told him about the baby and I stayed right there by his side. Never once did I jump into bed with someone else. He wanted me to find him there with her. He intentionally left the door unlocked for that reason. You didn't see the way he looked at me when I walked in. You didn't see the way he watched me as he slammed into her telling her to fuck him and calling her baby. Nothing you can say will make me think he loves me after that. NOTHING."

She patted my knee, "I'm sorry baby. Believe it or not, I'm on your side with this."

"You slapping him told me you don't agree with what he did…but you being here defending those very actions tells me you don't agree with me either. Look, I'm exhausted so if you don't mind just leave. I'm in desperate need of sleep. Goodnight Gem." I walk away not giving her time to respond shutting my bedroom door behind me.

"Goodnight sweetheart." She replied, which I was grateful for. I wasn't in the mood for her to keep giving me her "advice" A few more 'I'm on your side but I'm going to defend him,' and I might have snapped with her too.

"Way to go, dumbass," I scold myself, "you went and let him ruin the perfect night with Logan." Lying in bed, I try to replay our date and savor some of the peace and even happiness I felt for the first time since the breakup. Of course it doesn't work, my mind keeps reverting back to my show down with Jax.

"Who the hell is it now?" I groan when there's another knock on my door. I stomp to the door and pull it open without even looking out. Frustration getting the better of me. "You've got to be fucking kidding me!" I hiss and look Jax in the eyes. "What the hell do you want?"

"To talk." He mutters. "I need to talk to you. Hear me out. Then I'll never bother you again, if that's what you want."

"This ought to be good." I fold my arms over my chest and step aside letting him in. "After the stunt you pulled tonight, I'm going to hold you to that promise." I stare at him waiting for him to respond but he doesn't say anything he's just looking at the floor, so lost, so un-Jax-like. "Well?" I push, not feeling the least bit sorry for him. My annoyance and bitchiness getting the best of me.

"You…" He starts before pausing again, still unable to look me in the eyes. "You have every right to be pissed at me. To hate me."

"Damn right I do."

He nods, "I love you, Tara. I will always love you. I don't want to hurt you again, ever. You didn't deserve what I did to you and there's no excuse that can justify it. You've always been my breath of fresh air and without you, I feel like I'm suffocating. I don't know what to do, how to feel, everything feels cold. I'm disconnected from everything and everyone. The life that I thought I wanted doesn't even make sense without you."

"That's really touching, Jax, it is. It doesn't mean anything though. You've always been a charmer. You know exactly what to say to bullshit your way out of trouble. You're forgetting one thing though; I'm the one person who can see through your games. You don't love me, you can't. It's not plausible to believe that you love me after what you did. You love the idea of me, I'll give you that. You love what we had, but you do not love me."

He tilts his head to the side, "if you really know me as well as you say you do then you'd know that I'm not telling you this to "charm" you. I love you. It's hard to believe given the circumstances, I understand, but I do love you with everything in me. I made a mistake. I thought you were smothering me only to find out you are my lifeline." He drops his head, "I guess what they say about hindsight is true."

"I guess so." I nod. His words affected me, of course I won't let him know that. "Thanks for stopping by, Jax. I'll see you around."

He stares deep into my eyes for what seemed like years, I couldn't break the trance he held me in. "I will make you realize how much I love you. It will take time but I won't give up on us. I need you babe. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I wish I could turn back time and go back to those days I was an asshole and take them all back. I would treat you like the queen that you are. Please don't shut me out forever. I know you need time to sort and process. I will step back and give you time or whatever you need, but please just don't shut the door on us completely."

Another knock at the door broke the hold he had me locked in. "Logan," I say in shock surprised to see him standing there, "what are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Um." Logan paused looking from me back behind me to Jax.

"Hold that thought," I hold up a finger and turn around, "goodnight Jax. Thanks for stopping by." I was bracing myself for the explosion that was sure to come. He was pouring his heart out only to be interrupted by another man-a man whom he knows has my attention nonetheless. Jax's glare was locked on Logan. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it back again. When his eyes shifted to mine, there was something different. Something I'd never seen in them before. Defeat. Brokenness. Heartbreak. It was written all over his face. "Goodnight." He muttered, barely audible and made his way outside across the lawn to Opie's house.

"Sorry about that." I focused back on Logan, trying to shake the need to run out the door and tell Jax it's all going to be okay. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. You left this in my car. I figured you might need it tomorrow." He held out my wallet to me.

"Oh thank you so much." I take it from him, laying it on the chair on the porch. "I didn't even realize I didn't have it."

"No problem," he answered a little uneasily, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt…uh…whatever that was."

"You didn't," I reassure him, "just finishing up that chapter of my life." I say but the ache in my chest told me it wasn't quite closed despite everything he did.

He smiled, "that's good to hear. I had a really good time tonight, looking forward to it again…soon."

"Me too." I return his smile.

"You free on Wednesday?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am." I grin, excitement building to have another date so soon.

"Cool," he nodded, thinking to himself, "wanna go out about six-thirty or seven?"

"Sounds good." I agree.

"I'll see you then." He leans in and kisses my cheek. "Goodnight Tara."

"Night." I grip the porch railing feeling a little weak in the knees. I watch him pull away before my eyes wander over to Opie's. I catch sight of Jax sitting on the porch smoking a joint and drinking a beer. His eyes are on me but he doesn't make a move to come talk to me, he's just staring. I turn and go back inside locking the door behind me.

With as excited as I am from Logan wanting to go out again Wednesday, I'm surprised that my thoughts aren't on him. They're on Jax. More specifically the pain in his eyes. They say you can lie until your blue in the face, but your body language is harder to manipulate. His body language and expression told me that for once he wasn't just trying to be a charmer. Actions speak louder than words and his actions to just walk away instead of starting a fight proved how broken and defeated he really is. This isn't something I was prepared for.


	6. Chapter 6

The next few days Jax kept his distance from me. I saw him from time to time standing outside Opie's smoking but he didn't come by to talk like I always expected. The sadness in his eyes was still there. As much as I tried to fight it, I was worried about him.

"So how is everyone?" I ask Donna nonchalantly.

"Everyone is okay." She answered looking down at the blanket she was knitting for her baby.

"Ah, that's good." I sigh. She wasn't cooperating. "Jax came by the other night pouring his heart out to me…" I confess, "and then Logan shows up to bring my wallet back."

"Oh damn," Donna's attention is completely on me, "that explains his mood lately. Did they fight and why are you just now telling me this?"

"No, they didn't fight." I bite my lip, "I thought he was going to go through the roof but he didn't. He glared at him, started to say something, and then just left without a word."

Donna's finger was against her chin in thought, "that's not like him…at all. It does explain his moping though."

"Has it been bad?" I ask.

"Yup." She replies putting her knitting down. "He's just been hanging out at the house, Opie said he told all the guys he needed some time off. He's not been to the clubhouse for a few days."

"Wow. I figured he'd be all up in pussy." I admit.

"That's what he'd normally do. I don't know. Now that I know why he's acting this way, I'm kind of worried about him. He hasn't really said anything at all to anyone. Not even Op. He's withdrawn."

The more Donna talked, the guiltier I felt. I wanted him to feel bad like he made me feel but now that it's here, I don't like it and I feel a tug for me to go and talk to him that's getting harder to resist. I don't want to reconcile our relationship-that ship has sailed. I don't want him feeling this way either even though I thought that I did.

"Maybe I should talk to him." I finally speak after gathering my thoughts.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Donna answers, "not unless you're saying something he wants to hear and then that's not good for you." She shrugs.

I groan holding my head in my hands. She has a point. He's not going to like the fact that we're not getting back together and I'm not going to change my mind to make him feel better. "I know but I should at least try."

…Make You Miss Me…

The door is unlocked when I walk into Donna's, the sun is the only light shining in. I don't see him anywhere in the house.

"Hmm, I know he's here." I mutter. "His bike's out front." I catch a glimpse of him sitting on the back patio smoking.

"Hey you." I say as I slide the glass door open.

He looks at me gives me a sad smile and a weak "hey."

"What's up?" I ask breaking the ice.

He doesn't respond just holds up his cigarette forcing me to say what I want to say.

"I think we should talk."

He crushes his smoke and focuses his sad eyes on me.

"We have some bad history. That's undeniable."

"We have a lot of good history, too." He argues his eyes showing a little more life in them than before.

"I'm not debating that." I nod. "I want us to get beyond this. I want us both to be happy." I let out a small laugh, "I didn't think I wanted that. I wanted to hurt you the way that you did me, but I don't like seeing you this way. I want you to be happy, Jax."

"Then give me another chance." He replies.

"I can't do that, which takes me back to my happiness. I can't forget what you did. I can forgive you-I have done that-but I can't forget it. I will never be able to get your voice-so hateful and cruel-or the vision of you with that whore and the smirk on your face when I caught you out of my head. So us being together is just not an option, but I do want us to be friends. Most importantly, I want you to be happy."

"I can't be happy without you." He shook his head and lit a joint, "I don't think I can just be your friend. I can't be okay with you dating someone else, it took all I had not to rip his fuckin' heart out. You have no idea how hard it was for me to walk away and let him breathe."

I ignore his statement; I know how hard it was for him. It was written all over his face. "I guess we're at an impasse. You can't be without me and I can't be with you." I cough to clear my throat, "Friends is all I can give you but if you don't want that then I guess I'll see you around."

"Tara," Jax called out as I turned to leave, "please give me one more chance. Just one. I promise I'll never hurt you again."

I shake my head sadly, "I can't. I'm sorry." I leave him sitting there. He's begging me to stay, I can hear him choking back the sobs but I can't turn around. I can't give into him. I won't.

…..Make You Miss Me….

"You look beautiful." Logan states when I open the door for him.

I can feel my face getting hot, "thank you." The boy must need glasses I don't look beautiful. I didn't even put any make up on. My nerves were too shot over my conversation with Jax. Hell I didn't even dress up, I just put on my favorite jeans, my navy blue tank top with a button up shirt over top and flip flops. If I hadn't been worried so much about Jax, I might have put a little more effort into my wardrobe. Logan seems satisfied with my appearance nonetheless or he really is just a gentleman.

"You look nice too." I add. I was not just being nice. He looks great in his jeans, black shirt with his leather jacket over top. He smells amazing too but I decide to leave that tidbit of information out.

"So I thought maybe we could have a picnic. I saw a park as I was leaving town the other day." I knew the park he was talking about. It's the same park Jax and I used to go to for picnics. "We can go somewhere else?" My expression must have tipped him off that I wasn't liking this idea.

"No, the park is fine." I smile sweetly. I hope Jax doesn't get a wild hair to go out riding and see me there…with someone else. Maybe I should have just said let's go somewhere else.

"Tara!" Gemma rushes up to my porch. "I'm really sorry to interrupt. Jax is gone." She's visibly shaking.

"What do you mean gone?"

She hands me a folded up piece of paper.

 _Tara,_

 _I love you. Those words are just as true now as the day I first told you. Actually that's not true. They are more true now than the first day. Before you I never wanted to be in a relationship. I wanted to be free to be with anybody I had any interest in. You changed that. You changed me. You made me want to be a better man. You are my whole world babe. I'm sorry I ever made you question my love for you. I'm sorry for all of the things I did to hurt you. That's all on me. You were perfect. You ARE perfect and I never deserved you. I see that now. I love you so much babe and I can't be here without you._

 _Tell my mom I love her. Tell the guys I'm sorry I just couldn't live here without you. I could bear to see you every single day and not be the man that holds you every night. My town, my family, my club mean nothing without you. I can't find happiness in any of it anymore. I just have to get away for a while and clear my head. Know this I will always love you. I will always hold on to the dream/hope that one day you will take me back. I love you Tara Grace Knowles from the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul._

 _Always yours,_

 _Jackson Teller._

My knees went weak; I drop down to the porch feeling like I'm going to hyperventilate. "He's gone?"

"Yes." Gemma cries out. "He's given up everything."

"Tara?" Logan kneels down beside me. "You okay?" He extends his hand to help me up.

I shake my head, "I'm sorry Logan. I can't do this right now. Not tonight. I have to…I have to… hell I don't know I have to do something. I'll call you later if you want. I'm sorry." I don't even look at him; my eyes are focused on the note in front of me rereading it.

"Okay." He shakes his head, but doesn't seem to be pissed. "Call me when you're ready. I'm sorry for whatever happened." He politely nods at Gemma and leaves.

I feel as though the wind has been knocked out of me. Never in a million years did I see Jax Teller walking away from everything because _**I**_ broke _**his**_ heart.

 **a/n: DON'T hate me. Don't freak out. I promise you will get your J/T happy ending….I'm just not saying when. Oh and please review.**


	7. Chapter 7

Frozen in place, unable to speak or move I watch the girl of my dreams-my soul mate walk away from me. I poured my heart out to her and I could see the sadness in her features. I broke her. I listened to my brothers and pushed her away, in turn crushing every ounce of happiness from my own life. I threw it all away and for what? Money? Girls? My club? None of those things matter to me without her.

She made it clear we are done. She won't go back and give me my chance. She wants us to be friends? Hell, that's not possible. I do the only thing I know to do. I write a note to her, she's the only one who matters to me at this point, grab a few of my belongings throw them into my saddle bag and ride running from the memory of her.

I've got no idea where I'm going to go, at this point I don't even care. The open road has always been my medicine, my oasis.

Eight hours driving South I'm pulling into a driveway I never thought I'd go to.

"Jax? Is that you?" He drops the grease rag onto his bike and walks up to me before I have a chance to change my mind. "Is everything alright? What are you doing here?" He fires off the questions rapidly with a concerned tone.

"Hey," I climb off my bike and shake his hand, "nah everything is good, Uncle David. I just thought I'd come visit." The look in his eyes said he wasn't buying my story but he let it slide for now.

David is my dad's brother. He was a member of the MC for years before him and JT had a falling out, I don't even know what the disagreement was about but JT persuaded the boys to let him out and Clay took over as VP. David moved down South to San Diego and the rest is history. I haven't seen him in years. He showed up to JT's funeral but Clay and some of the other members made him leave saying him being there was disrespectful to dad's memory, mom, and me. I'm not even sure why I came here.

"You remember my wife Courtney?" He gestured to the lady grinning at me.

"Yup, she's still too good lookin' to be with your old ass." I wink at him and let her hug me.

She laughs, "it's good to see you again Jackson. You've got that Teller charm, I see."

"No doubt."

"You staying awhile? We've got an extra room if you need it?" She asks with a little more hope than I was expecting.

"If you're sure it's aight?"

"You're more than welcome." David states.

"Definitely." Courtney agrees and wraps her arms around David. "I'm sure your Uncle would love some company while I'm away. I have to leave for a conference in Laguna Beach and I'll be gone til Tuesday." She explained.

"You still a kids Doctor?" I ask.

"My girl's the Chief of Surgery at the Children's Hospital." David smiled proudly. The love and admiration he had for his wife radiated off of him.

"That's my ride." She nodded at the car that pulled up. "I'll see you on Tuesday." She nuzzled her nose against his. "I love you so much." "Love you baby. Call me when you get there." David kissed the tip of her nose and then her lips.

"If you're not here when I get back, it was really great to see you Jax." She hugged me again. "Stay as long as you want." The look she gave me said she sensed that something was going on…otherwise I wouldn't be here.

"Thanks. See ya later, Aunt Court." I waved her goodbye and looked back to Uncle Dave who was full of questions...again.

"So the club ain't gonna come assassinate me in my sleep are they?"

"No, of course not." I laugh. "They'd wake you up first." I joke. "I fucked things up there, I just needed to get away for a bit and clear my head."

"Want a beer?" He asked. "You can tell me all about it."

I popped the top on the beer can and sat down in one of his patio chairs taking in the scenery. His three story house sat on twenty acres of land. He seemed to be doing alright for himself despite everything that happened in Charming.

"So?" He pushed.

"Where to start?" I shake my head. "My girl, Tara, she's the best thing that ever happened to me. I fucked that up."

"What happened?"

"Some of the boys had been busting my balls about her. I was pussy whipped, I was locked down and not even experienced life yet. They had me believing she didn't want me to patch in. It was all bullshit, she never even said anything bad about the club really. Then one day, she tells me she's pregnant and I flip out. I told her that they were right, she was in fact trying to trap me. The next day I fucked another girl, she caught me…I didn't stop. I kept right on fucking her and watching Tara watch me do it." I stop her expression still haunting me. "By the time the liquor had worn off the damage was done. I couldn't take it back." I stared at him waiting for his response.

"Hell boy, that's some deep shit." He shakes his head, "that's a pretty fucked up thing to do to the girl that you love."

"I know." I agree. "I begged for her to forgive me, but she won't. She says she can't, I don't blame her. I wouldn't be able to forgive me either."

"It would take a strong woman…fuck it would take a strong person to forgive that. You got what you wanted though, freedom? So what's the problem? It not as good as you expected? The grass ain't always greener on the other side."

"None of it matters without her." I admit. "I hate everything I am, everything I let the club turn me into. If it wasn't for them, I probably never fucked up like that and I'd still have her."

"You're a grown ass man, son. You chose to react the way you did. You chose to fuck some random slut. You chose to break her heart. The club didn't do that. Take responsibility for your actions and then you will be on the first step to recovery." He scolded me.

"I know that. I know I chose to do it. I'm just saying, I let the club control me. That's on me, but I can't change the fact that I resent the whole fuckin' club either which is why I'm here. I had to get away from her, from then, I need time." His emotions came pouring out of him in a ramble but his Uncle knew exactly how he felt. He'd resented the club before, everything it became and was going to become. He hated the members from keeping him from his brother's funeral but not wanting to make a scene and make things worse on Gem and Jax.

"You already know this but you can stay here as long as you need to, sort out all your shit before you go back. If you get to the point where you decide you don't want to go back, we can work something out. I can get you on at the garage and you can start a new life. I'm not going to push you one way or another but I think a fresh start would be good for you. I just wish your dad would have got that same option." David stared me dead in the eyes.

"I appreciate that." I sigh not sure if I'm ready to walk away from the club completely but the way I feel right now about it all, it's definitely an option.


	8. Chapter 8

I never thought missing him this much after everything that's happened between us would be possible. I don't want him back, not really, I just need to know that he's okay. Remaining level-headed and composed is not one of Jax's strong suits, especially when things have spiraled this far out of his control.

The club has tried finding him everywhere, they've contacted every Charter on the West Coast and no one has seen or heard from him. They're starting to reach out to other charters that are further away but so far no luck there either. I'm worried, the guys are worried, but Gemma-she's a whole new level of worried. I've never seen her so anxious.

"Gem, calm down. I'm sure he's fine." I try to console her. Her tears have been steady falling. She's automatically assuming the worst. Definitely un-Gemma like behavior.

"No," she shook her head violently, "something's wrong. He should have contacted us by now. It's been two days."

"He said he needed time and space away. He'll call soon to check in, I'm sure." Donna chimed in, trying to help me soothe the frantic matriarch.

"What happened exactly?" Opie looked at me. "Donna said you talked to him, but what did you say?"

I shrug, "I told him that I wanted us to be friends. We couldn't be together right now, I needed time. I still loved him but I was hurt." That wasn't technically true but the last thing I need is them blaming me and shutting me out before I know what's going on. In my defense, I was thinking that I still love him and miss him. I just can't be with him. It's hard to hate someone who's played such a vital role in my life for years.

"We've reached out to every charter, no one has seen him." Juice poked his head in and informed everyone.

"Or they're just not telling us he's there." Piney stated, "Jax is a persuasive little shit, there's no doubt he could convince them to keep his arrival quiet if he wanted to."

"I just don't understand why he would want to. Why does he want me to worry like this?" Gemma blew out an exasperated sigh.

I kept my mouth shut but I had a feeling that the charters are telling the truth, he's probably not there. All of this chatter between the guys and Gemma was giving me a headache, "I'm going to head home, if you hear anything at all call me immediately." I kiss Gemma's cheek and wave at everyone else, thankful that none of them hate me…yet.

When I arrived back home for the first time in two days there was a note stuck to my door and a bouquet of daisy's laying on my chair. My heart fluttered. Jax. I climbed out of my car and rushed up snatching the note and reading it,

" _Dear Tara, I'm sorry for whatever is going on with you and your friends. I want you to know that I'm not angry at all for cancelling our date, I understand completely, just know I'm here if you need anything at all. Logan_ "

My face fell, the flowers were beautiful, the note was extremely sweet but this being from Logan meant that Jax is still out there…somewhere…and I don't know if he's okay, or if he's hurt, or even alive. He's so unpredictable when his heart is broken, I just never imagined in a million years he would do something like this.

I need to find him. I need to know he's okay. Where could he be if he's not at another clubhouse? That's the only place he would go or at least that's what I thought.

Pacing back and forth I try to think like him, replay any past conversations that may have seemed irrelevant at the time but may point me in a new direction.

My headache must have gotten ten times worse since I got home, and I must have paced this living room floor for hours before something occurred to me. David Teller. No one has tried him yet. I pick up the phone to call Gemma but I end the call before she answers, she won't try there. She brought Jax up to hate JT's brother just as much as she did or so she thought.

"I'll have to see for myself." I mutter throwing some clothes in an overnight bag preparing myself for the long ride down to San Diego. If he's not there it's just a wasted trip but at least I'll get to see David and Courtney. I for one always liked them.

…Make You Miss Me…

Dave hasn't pushed me too much since I got here to talk about what's going on in my head. I can tell he's dying to know where my head is at on everything but he's giving me space which I greatly appreciate.

I don't even know myself where my head is at. I thought being away from the club life I'd miss it but really I don't. I'm sort of digging this freedom without it. The only thing I really find myself missing is her. I miss the way her dark hair has a red tint to it when the sun hits it just right. I miss the way her green eyes sparkle when she's excited. I miss the way she moans out involuntarily when I bite under her ear lobe and caress her bare skin. I miss her laugh, her smell, and everything about her.

It's taking every ounce of will power I have to not call her. She made it clear she doesn't want to be with me. I'm hoping that will one-day change but I know in order to do that, I have to show her I can be a better man, which is why I'm seriously thinking about shaking things up. Dave's offer to get me on at a mechanic shop down here is seriously appealing and has been playing on repeat in my brain the past two days.

Dave was a member of the club, he gave it all up and I once thought that was the dumbest thing he ever did but as I sit on his back porch patio looking at everything he has, I'm not so sure it was a dumb play.

"Why did you give up the club?" I blurt out. "What really happened?"

He stared at me momentarily and sat his beer down on the table next to him, "the club became something that I didn't want to be a part of."

"Meaning?" I pushed.

"I mean when your dad and me came up with the idea for the MC it was supposed to be all about brotherhood, Harley's, and outlaw. It wasn't supposed to be gun or drug running, and the brotherhood fell apart. The more I fought to keep it the way we started, the more Clay pulled JT in a different, more dangerous, direction. He pushed the guns and drug idea on JT. The money was never enough; he would always talk your dad into crazier ideas that always got bloody. So, I got out. I tried to reason with your dad, get him to bring you, your brother, and Gemma with us but he didn't want a part of it. The club was his family and I was considered a traitor." He dropped his eyes in thought, he looked sad.

I nodded, "makes sense. Clay's poison. His only care is lining his own pockets with cash." I knew this before I patched into the club, but it was my father's club and I one day wanted to run it and take it away from the man who was bedding my mother not even two months after the death of my dad-if not before his death. That thought made me feel even more nauseous.

His expression grew dark, he looked like he wanted to say something but remained quiet.

"What? You have the same look pop got when he wanted to give me some advice or tell me something that was going to upset me."

He sighed, "I'm just proud of you for thinking your options through and seeing Clay Morrow for the snake that he is. You know I love ya kid and will support whatever decision you make."

"Thanks old man." I grinned, feeling a little better about everything. I still have a lot of decisions to make but at least I know the truth about why Dave left instead of Gemma's version that never really made any sense to me.

"It's late for visitors." David stood up looking at his watch after the doorbell chimed throughout the house. I followed him into the house to the front door with my hand on my gun out of habit.

"Tara?" I muttered in shock when I saw her standing on the other side.

I must be dreaming but it's a dream I don't ever want to wake up from.

 _ **a/n: Thank you all for your patience! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review!**_


	9. Chapter 9

The minute I saw her standing in front of me my heart stopped beating. I blinked several times thinking I was having a dream or a hallucination of some sort, this isn't the first time I've envisioned her standing in front of me after all. Nope, she's still here and damn she's beautiful. She's wearing those jeans-my favorite ones that hug her hips perfectly and torn at her knees. She's also wearing the red halter top I bought her for her birthday.

The guarded look in her eyes is the only thing keeping me from pulling her in for a hug but I didn't miss the look of relief in those beautiful green eyes when she saw me too. She was worried about me, that much was clear. Knowing she was worried gave me a little hope, she must obviously still care…at least a little.

"What are you doing here?" I finally ask. "How did you find me?" Of course she'd be the one to find me, she knew me better than anyone.

"Don't be rude, let the girl in." David scolded with a grin. "Good to see you again, sweetheart." He kissed Tara's cheek when she stepped inside. "I'll give you guys some privacy, see you in the morning." He winked, the shit-eating grin still plastered on his face.

"Good to see you too, Uncle Dave." Tara smiled her breath taking smile, the smile I would've killed for if only I could get her to look at me that way. Her attention focused back on me, "I'm glad to see you're safe. You should let your mom and everyone know you're okay." She scanned the room wide eyed obviously impressed with Dave's house. "He's doing pretty good for himself, huh?"

"Yeah." I answer unable to take my eyes off of her afraid she'll disappear if I do. "I'll let them know as soon as I feel like talking to someone from there." I didn't mean to sound like a whiny bitch but that's exactly how it came out.

"You think it's better to let them all worry about you? We were all worried sick, Jackson." Her tone was stern.

"I just needed time away." I defend my actions again, knowing she's right but refuse to give in. "I couldn't see you be with someone else. You have a right to be angry and you even have a right to move on if that's what you want to do but I just couldn't watch you do it." I led her to the bar area, "you want a drink?"

"Just some water, thank you." She leans against the bar still staring at me. I could see the internal battle she was having in her eyes. "I love you, Jax. That hasn't changed and honestly will probably never change. I thought I wanted to hurt you the way that you hurt me…until I accomplished it. Then, I just felt shitty for it. When you left, it scared me. All I could focus on was finding you. Hell, I don't even know why I'm telling you this. I'm just so damn happy you're okay, I guess." She angrily wiped some stray tears away, "you're such a fucking asshole. Why do I even care so much?"

"Because we're meant to be together." I took her hand and sat her down on the patio swing. I could barely contain my composure when she didn't jerk away from me. I feel like a damn school girl but don't give a fuck either. I love this girl and before she leaves I'm going to make sure she knows without a doubt if she gives me one more chance I will never hurt her like that again. I would kill myself before I broke her heart.

"I thought we were." She stared at me with sad eyes. I want to kiss all the hurt away but I know that won't help matters any, it'll just put an even bigger wedge between us until we actually communicate. For the first time in my life I realize that sex doesn't fix everything. "I never imagined me being with anyone else." She continued twisting her fingers together nervously and a halfhearted giggle escaped her lips, "I still can't which is a big reason I'm here, I guess." She raked her fingers through her hair and then ran her hands over her face roughly.

Her words surprised me, "You want to work things out?" My voice cracked, I sounded like I did when I was 13 going through puberty.

"I don't know if that's even possible Jax. I don't know anything anymore. I just had to find you and know you were okay. I couldn't stop myself from worrying about you or even thinking about you so here I am." She took a deep breath.

"Hear me out, please." I kneel down in front of her. "I love you. I have never been more sure about anything in my life. I do not want to be with anyone else ever again."

She let out an exasperated sigh, "things won't be like they were before Jax as much as you want them to. I don't trust you. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get past what you did."

Her words hurt, I felt like she knocked the wind out of me for a minute but I deserved it. I deserve so much more. "That's the thing babe, I don't want us to go back like we were. I want us to be better than we were. I want to let you in. I want our relationship to revolve around us not around SAMCRO. I know you don't trust me, that's all on me. I will prove to you that I can be trusted no matter how much time it takes, even if we're old and gray I will still be here proving myself and my love to you every single day."

"That's a nice fantasy," she dropped her eyes as her voice trembled, "but you ARE SAMCRO."

I shook my head, "that's another thing I want to talk to you about. My Uncle offered me a job here. He has a house he said I could live in just a few minutes from here near the garage I would be working at. SAMCRO doesn't have to control our lives, babe. I'm being serious, if you give me another shot I would trade it all for a life with you here. Please babe, give me one more chance. I want to marry you; I want kids with you. Everything that scared me before is everything I want with you now. We're destined to be together, let's stop fighting it. Please. I love you."

Her eyes searched mine, she's shaking her head. She bites her lip and opens her mouth to answer but snaps it shut. My heart is hammering out of control as I wait for her to speak. She knows how I feel-what I want. It's all up to her now.

 _ **A/N: I'm so sorry for the long wait, I promise to try to get my updates out quicker. The next update will be Tara's POV. I'm already working on it so hopefully you'll have it by this weekend…if all goes as planned. Thanks for reading!**_

 _ **All reviews are appreciated!**_


	10. Chapter 10

"I…I…fuck." I clench my fists together. Jax's offer sounds amazing. It wasn't something I was expecting but is it too good to be true? "I don't know." My head is spinning. The hope and need in his eyes willing me to accept his offer is driving me insane. "I need to sleep; can we talk tomorrow?"

Some of the hope in his eyes vanished, "of course." He replies with a forced smile. He's disappointed I didn't accept his offer right away but he's trying to give me the space I need.

"Thank you." I stand up and walk back toward the door. "I'm going to go find a hotel and I'll be back in a few hours."

"Don't waste your money on a hotel. You can sleep in the room I've been using. I'll sleep on the floor." He shakes his head.

"Uh…okay. Let me just get my bag." I say hesitantly.

He takes my hand and leads me upstairs, "you had a long drive. Just relax. I'll get your bag."

I nod and look around the room when he disappears. It's huge especially for a guest room, even the bed is huge. I lay down and sink into the mattress letting out an "ahhh" I don't think I've ever felt this comfortable.

"Here you go." He smiles. "The bathroom's in there." He pointed.

"Thanks." I take the bag into the bathroom and put on my pajamas feeling thankful I brought my silky ones rather than the sweatpants I thought about. I roll my eyes at myself unsure why I'm so worried about what I look like.

This isn't how I pictured this going. I figured I'd get here, see he was okay and leave. I never thought I'd be sharing a room with him debating on letting everything go and giving him another chance.

An audible gasp escaped his lips when I come out of the bathroom and he sees me in my lingerie. I bite my back a smile that I can still affect him given everything we've been through.

He takes one of the many pillows off the bed and lays down on the floor. "Get some rest, babe. Goodnight, I love you." I could tell he wanted to say more but he didn't, impressing me yet again, putting my well-being before his own need to discuss this further.

I pull the covers back on the massive bed and scoot over to the side patting the mattress. "Come on, I'm not going to make you sleep on the floor."

"It's okay. I don't mind. You need space. I don't…"

"Don't be stupid." I interrupt. "Come on. Get in bed and let's go to sleep."

He doesn't argue, he does as he's told. He climbs into bed beside me and I could hear his raspy breathing. I turn over and accidentally brush my hand against his and can feel them shaking. Jackson Teller trembling is something I'm definitely not used to.

"Goodnight beautiful." His hand squeezes mine momentarily before he pulls back.

"Night." I close my eyes and listen to his breathing. I didn't expect to feel this comfortable laying here so close to the man that broke my heart but it feels natural, it feels right.

It doesn't take long for his breathing to even out and I can tell he's asleep. I wish it was that easy for me. My mind is racing. I want to believe everything he's saying but it won't be that easy for him to walk away from the club. I don't even have a problem with the club-well not exactly-but a life with him without worrying if he'll end up dead, in prison, or in the bed of a random croweater whore is appealing.

I can't just forget what he did though, as much as I want to. He used to be the only person in the world that I trusted and now that's all gone. How can you be with someone that you don't trust?

…

The light filtering into the room pulls me from my slumber. I sit up and stretch my arms out looking over at a sleeping Jax. He looks so peaceful. He's so handsome. I've missed being able to watch him sleep and get an unfiltered view of all of his features.

"Please forgive me. I love you." He mutters in his sleep.

I sigh and pull my knees up to my chest hugging them. I don't know what to do. I was so certain that I was done with him. Now I'm almost certain that I'll never be truly over him.

"Hey." He raises up. "Good morning. You alright?" He rubs his hand down my back before quickly pulling it away.

"Yeah, just thinking." I grant him a small smile. "Jax, I don't think I can just forget what you did. If I can't trust you, how can we make this work? If you're not with me, it's highly plausible that I'm going to assume you're out fucking around."

"I know." He sighs, the defeated look back in his eyes. The look that breaks my heart. "I'll do whatever it takes though, even if that means never leaving your side-attaching myself at your hip." He grins.

"Okay," I pause gathering my thoughts, "I want us to get past this but it will take time. I want to take things slow. I want to make sure that everything you're promising me is one hundred percent accurate and not just smoke."

He nods with a wide smile, "okay, okay. I will do whatever you want. Whatever it takes." His bright "Jax smile" breaks my heart. I can see how much he wants this; I just hope he keeps his promises. I will definitely make him work for it though. This won't happen overnight; forgiveness won't be easy. He caused me more pain than I ever could have imagined and I'm not just going to sweep that under the rug. He's not going to get a pass. He will have to prove himself in every aspect every single day until I genuinely believe that he's a different man than the one who intentionally hurt me.

"So are you going to go out with that guy during this time?" His eyes are clenched shut. He asked the question but I can tell he doesn't really want the answer…at least the one he's expecting.

I stare at him and bite my thumb nail in thought, do I want to go out with Logan? He is a nice guy but it seems kind of pointless and wrong since we're trying to work things out. "No, I don't think so. I guess you are my boyfriend. We just aren't having sex or any of those things right now." I pause wondering how he'll be able to handle no sex. "Are you going to be okay with that? No sex with me or anyone else."

"Yes." He answers without hesitation. "I don't want anyone but you."

"Okay." My eyes fall to the bed; I stare at my hands. "I just don't think I can do that…. right now… without the vision of you and her replaying in my head."

He takes my hands in his, "I know." Tears fill his eyes. "I fucked up so bad but I will make it right…whatever it takes. If that means no sex, then my hand will be my best friend for a while. I WILL NOT betray you ever again." He kisses each of my knuckles.

"Good." I wipe a tear from his eyes. "Don't cry, you're going to make me cry."

"Sorry." He mutters.

I'm still not used to seeing him so vulnerable and knowing that he's feeling like this because of what he did to me gives me hope that he won't make these mistakes over again. I can hope anyways.

 _ **a/n: Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please review!**_


	11. Chapter 11

"Excuse me guys," I say after breakfast, "I'm going to go take a walk." I need to some time to gather my thoughts. Everything is happening so fast and so much differently than I expected, I'm not sure what to make of it.

Jax seems to sense this, so he silently nods and doesn't ask to join me. I have to admit; he does seem so much more in tune with my needs this time around.

Along my walk I stumble upon a garden of flowers-a field is a more accurate term, it's the biggest 'flower garden' I have ever seen. It makes sense though, Courtney loves flowers. I can't even identify half of these but they are gorgeous. So colorful and right in the center is some lounge chairs. It would make the perfect place to escape to read-something I may have to try while I'm here.

"I see you found my little oasis." Courtney's voice startles me, I spin around and give her a big hug.

"Hey you!" I squeal. It's been too damn long since I saw her last.

"I just got back from my conference and heard that you were here visiting." She answered, still grinning at me. "Jax seems like he's in a better place now than when I left a few days ago. I'm guessing that has something to do with you being here."

I sigh, "yeah, we are 'dating'." I'm sure she doesn't miss the uncertainty in my tone.

She gives me a knowing nod, "well I don't know the story behind what happened between you two, but you know I'm always here if you want to talk."

Courtney was always my favorite person in Jax's family, even before he and I were dating. She was always my go-to for advice whether it be about boys, school, clothes it didn't matter. I knew I could always count on her so when they moved away, I went through a depressed stage. She didn't really coexist too well with the outlaw ways so Gemma hated her from the beginning of her and David's relationship. Jax never really had much of a chance to get to know her but me, I absolutely loved her and still do.

"I thought I was pregnant, he freaked out and cheated on me to push me away. He made sure I 'saw'" I swallowed hard replaying that horrific moment in my mind, "everything. It's been tough, I thought I was done with him for good, I even started dating again. Then he ran off, it scared me. The moment I saw his face I knew I would never truly be over him. The sad thing is I don't think I'll ever be able to trust him again so what kind of relationship could we possibly have?"

"Oh damn." Court stared at me wide-eyed. "I would have cut his dick off-with surgical precision of course so they could sew it back on later. He would just remember it for the rest of his life." She chuckled. Her twisted sense of humor is one of the things I always loved about her. "I can't say for certain but the boy I saw when he first got here was broken to the point I thought he was almost unrepairable. Now I see him today and he looks so much more full of a life and I can only assume that's because of you. I would be willing to bet that he will do everything in his power not to mess up again." She kneels down and plucks a weed that's sprouting up between her lilies, "but I think you need to take all of the time you need to let yourself heal as well. You've always put his needs before yours even when you were just friends. Now it's time to put yourself first. Don't take any of his shit."

"Definitely not." I agree. "He says he's thinking about leaving the club which would help us out a lot relationship wise, I think. Just being away from all of the skanky women would help tremendously. I just don't see him really doing it. Especially since we're back together-sort of-I think all of the anger he felt toward the guys for everything will be forgotten." I sit in one of the chairs, "if he does get out of it though, will there be repercussions from it? I mean will they just let him walk away? Will he be in danger? Will I? All of these thoughts are racing through my head and they're driving me crazy." I hold my temples and massage them gently. Too much thinking on the subject is giving me a headache.

"I can't answer how the club will react. I can say that Gemma will not let him walk away without a fight, that woman is fierce especially when it comes to Jax. Dave told me he offered him a life here, he's really hoping Jax takes him up on it. He may have been 'banned' from Jax's life by the club and Gemma but he never stopped worrying about him."

"Does he ever regret leaving the club?" I wonder out loud. I didn't even mean to ask the question, it just sort of slipped out.

"Not at all," she answers sitting beside me, "when we first moved here, he missed JT and Jax more than anything. The falling out between him and JT broke his heart. He just wanted what was best for all of them, but Clay made sure JT didn't see it that way. The club turned to more dangerous activities and Dave didn't want to risk our future, more importantly my life because of those activities. The more sense he tried to talk into his brother, the more JT pulled away. I'm sure Gemma was whispering in his ear too. She's always been wrapped up in the club's ways."

I nod, that was definitely true. Gemma pushed being a perfect old lady from the day Jax and I started dating. She said she needed me to understand what I was getting into and signing up for.

"When we got the news JT had passed, it didn't sit right with Dave. It just didn't add up." Her voice trailed off, she was still talking but she was dazed-in a trance.

"What do you mean?" I ask with squinted eyes. I'm definitely confused.

"JT was one of the best riders I have ever seen then we heard he ran into a semi out on the highway and it just so happened to be after JT had reached out to Dave and said he wanted to talk, to make amends. Then we hear he's dead. Gemma and Clay run us off at the funeral. Dave said the two of them looked awfully cozy."

My hand was on my mouth as she spoke the words. I knew what she was insinuating. "You think someone sabotaged his bike?"

Her eyes snapped to mine, "you have to promise never to repeat a word of this to anyone-not even Jax. It's just a theory but if it's true and someone thinks you know their secret; your life could very possibly be in danger." That statement sent chills down my spine.

My face must have been a dead giveaway how stunned I am by her revelation. I knew the club could be dangerous, hell Jax being killed by some sort of retaliation or in prison for something has always been a worry of mine since before he even patched in. Her words about Gemma and Clay being 'cozy' did spark something in me though. I always thought it was weird how fast they ended up together after JT's death but I just wrote it off as her needing a strong male role model to help with Jax but her need to stay in power-to stay Queen Bee-makes more sense. However, it is hard for me to picture her being involved in JT's death.

"I didn't mean to frighten you," Courtney reaches forward and holds my hands in hers, "it is just a theory after all. Just be careful. Okay?"

I let out the breath I realized I had been holding, "I will. Thanks for trusting me with this information. Now, I hope more than ever that Jax does take Dave up on his offer."

"Me too sweetheart, me too." She released my hands and stood up. "I think I'm going to head back to the house. You coming?"

I don't really want to go back right now, I want to stay and process all of the information she had just given me but I know Jax will be wondering about me and I'm extremely curious to see where his head is at on staying here or going back to Charming.

 **a/n: Thank you for reading! I hope you're enjoying where the story is going so far. Please review. I'm extremely interested to see what you guys are thinking about it at this point!**


	12. Chapter 12

"Can we talk?" I ask Jax when I finally make my way back to the house. Court was right; his eyes light up when he sees me. The love and adoration shining through when he looks at me makes me weak in the knees. I don't know how he still affects me this much after everything we've been through.

"Of course." He reaches for my hand and leads me back outside. "What's up?" He asks once we get to the swing in the back yard.

"I need to know what you're thinking with the whole staying here or Charming thing. I need to know if you were serious. Samcro has always been your life, I just have a hard time believing things are different now." I take a deep breath waiting for his answer.

He clutches my hands in his, "I love you. You are my life. I want a life with you, whatever it takes. If you want us to be here; then this is where we will be. Our future no longer revolves around the club. We are free to do whatever we want."

I bite my lip, "but how does that play out? Clay, the club, hell more importantly your mother will never let you just walk away. Surely there will be some sort of repercussions."

He takes my face in his hands and stares deeply in eyes, "is this what you want? Us out of Charming and living here?"

I nod in response, "I just don't see them letting you go. Your mother will never…"

He shakes his head interrupting me, "I'll deal with my crazy ass mother and the club. Don't worry. If this is truly what you want…"

"You keep saying if this is what I want; what about you? I don't want you to do this only because I want you to." I interrupt him, "if that's why you are doing it, then in a few weeks, months, or even years you will end up resenting and hating me because of that decision. If we are going to end up doing this dance again then we might as well end it now. I can't keep doing this."

"Babe, I'm telling you this I will never hate or resent you but this ain't just about you. This is what I want too. The only reason I asked about what you wanted is because I won't leave Charming if you're going to stay there. My home is where ever you are." He leans in slowly and places a small kiss on my lips. He pulls back after only a second, still trying to give me the space I need.

His answer relieved me, "Then let's do this. I looked up some schools around here. I've been thinking about medical school."

"That's great babe. You'd be a great doctor. You've always been great at mending my heart." He winks and gives me a smirk.

"I guess I should head back and let the club know what's up since we're really doing this thing." He smiles broadly. "You going to hang out here?"

"Nah," I shake my head, "if we're really doing this thing then I'm here one hundred percent-that means standing by your side when all the shit hits the fan with the club." I stifle a giggle, "you're on your own with your crazy mother though." Things with the matriarch and me were going better than I ever expected them to after the fall out with Jax and she'll be thrilled we have patched things up-that is until she figures out we're leaving Charming. I'm sure that blame will fall solely on me and then she'll make sure I'm 'SAMCRO enemy number one.'

"You sure?" He asks, his tone uncertain but hopeful. He's gazing at me awaiting my response, those baby blue eyes sure do a number on me-they always have. My nod to reassure him of my certainty has that lopsided grin plastered back on his face.

"I love you, Jax. We have a long road ahead of us before I will be able to let my guard down again but you are the person I know I'm meant to be with and that means being your support when you let go of the thing you love the most."

"Loved the most. Past tense." He corrects me. "YOU are what I love the most now." He kisses me softly.

His words triggered something in me, "can we stay here another day before heading back to the shit storm?" His words were sweet but they also made me think… if he's willing to give up his kutte-his dream since he was five, what will keep him from deciding he doesn't want US anymore once he finds something else he loves more or when he does start missing the club life? I have a hard time wrapping my brain around him being able to walk away completely. Outlaw is in his blood.

"I really need to get back babe and get this over with but if you really want to stay another day then that's what we'll do." I can hear the reluctance in his voice.

I shake my head, "no you're right. We should get this over with. I'll meet you there unless you're riding back with me and leaving the bike here?" I knew the answer to that before I said it-there's no way he's leaving his bike behind.

"I'll meet you at your place. I want to talk to Opie before I break the news to everyone else." He answers, walking back toward the house. "I guess I should let Uncle Dave know what's going on and then I'll pack up the car with our stuff." He extends his hand toward me.

"I'm going to sit out here a minute, I'll be in there in a second." I give him a small smile and turn and watch the trees sway in the gentle breeze.

"You guys headed back to Charming?" Courtney asks. I didn't hear her approach-she's pretty stealthy.

"Yeah, he's going to tell them he wants out of the club." I reply, the words sounding crazier out loud.

"That's great, why don't you look as thrilled as I thought you would?" She asked. She's always been perceptive, I guess that's why she makes such a great surgeon.

"I am ecstatic," I let out a sigh and close my eyes, "at least I will be if it actually happens."

"You don't think he's really going to go through with it?"

I shrug, "honestly, I don't know. He says he is. He says he loves me more than the club and wants us to be together without the club's influence. I…I…" I exhale sharply, "I just know how persuasive they can be-the club and more importantly Gemma. If he left his bike here, I would be more likely to believe this is really happening. Of course he won't do that though and I can't tell him to. That wouldn't be fair to him. I just have to trust that he'll follow through with his word."

"And if he doesn't?"

Her question was one that I can't answer. What will I do if he lets them talk him into staying there? Staying patched in? Will I be able to deal with the constant trust issues? Will Gemma make my life hell if I stay there with him for having a hand in him wanting out? I wish I knew the answer to even one of these questions floating around my brain but at this moment my only answer is I don't know. Only time will tell.

 _ **Author's note: I'm sorry this chapter was so short. I wanted it to be longer but I've been so busy with my mother in law having her mastectomy, reconstruction surgery, and taking care of her since she got home and my three kids. I haven't had a lot of free time. So I do apologize for the wait and the length. I will try to get another update out to you as soon as I can. The next update will be back in Charming. Thanks for reading.**_


	13. Chapter 13

The whole ride back to Charming my stomach was in my throat. I don't know how this is going to play out but I know Clay and more importantly Gemma won't let us go without a fight.

Jax pulls off onto the dirt road to 'our secret place', the place we would go to hide from the world during a better time in our relationship. I follow him without hesitation. "What's wrong?" I question when he opens my passenger door.

"Nothin'," he shakes his head, "just didn't want anyone to know I'm back before I'm ready to talk to them. I'll leave the Dyna here until after I talk to Op." He explains.

It made sense. I hadn't even thought about someone seeing him and calling Gemma or one of the guys.

"You ready for this?" I ask softly when we turn onto my street.

I can feel his apprehension. Out of the corner of my eye I see him silently blow out the breath he had been holding. I reach for his hand, "it's going to be okay."

He nods but doesn't respond, leaving me wondering what he's thinking. My worry that he's going to change his mind is in overdrive.

He steps in front of me when we get out of the car, "we're in this together. You and me. Nothing else matters." He kisses the tip of my nose. His ability to know when I'm worried or upset still amazes me.

"You and me." I nod in agreement.

He pulls my hand toward Opie and Donna's house intertwining his fingers with mine.

"Holy shit! Where the fuck have you been brotha?" Opie greeted pulling Jax into a man hug before stepping aside to let us in. "And what's this? You two finally work your shit out?" He chuckled.

"It's a work in progress." Jax answered hugging me into his side.

"So where you been? Everyone's been looking everywhere for you. Gemma is losing her mind." Opie asked again, popping the top of a beer handing one to each of us.

"That's why I'm here. I wanted to talk to you first before I head over there." Jax explained. "Where's Donna? She needs to hear this too."

Opie's brow furrowed, he could tell something was definitely up, "shower. I'll get her."

Jax sat down on the sofa pulling me into his lap waiting for Opie to return. "I just want you to know that I love you." He whispered in my ear.

"Okay. We're here." Donna stated walking out in a robe and towel in her hair.

"So what's going on?" Opie asked impatiently. He and Donna sat down on the love seat across from us.

"I'm leaving the club." Jax paused waiting for Opie's reaction holding up his hand when Opie starts to respond.

Opie laughed, but it wasn't his usual laugh. He was in disbelief. "A harley and a kutte it's been your dream since we were kids."

"I've come to realize over the past few weeks that some things are more important. Jax's eyes landed on me, his expression soft and full of love and admiration.

"Awww." Donna squealed. "I just knew you two would end up working things out." Her smile was wide.

"What are you going to do?" Opie questioned with an unreadable expression.

"We're moving to San Diego. Uncle Dave offered me a job running his garage." Jax explained. "I'm here because I want you and Donna to come with us. Outlaw is in my blood. I'm thinking of starting a new club-one with the original vision JT had before greed and corruption took over. I don't have any plans hammered out but you're the only person I would trust to be my VP."

I was just as shocked as Op and Donna. He hadn't told me any of that.

"We should do it babe." Donna squealed before Opie could respond.

"I…" Opie paused, his expression conflicted, "this club…this club is what we signed up for."

"I get that," Jax answered, "but I've learned a lot since I've been away about JT. Things I never even really knew about him. This club, the way it is now is not what he had originally wanted. He didn't want to be involved with gun and drug running and cartels."

"We knew what we were getting into when we signed up bro." Opie argued.

"I didn't." Donna stood up and folded her arms. "I never knew anything about the clubs involvement with CARTELS." Her voice got louder with each word. "Cartels are dangerous. They don't just get their revenge on the club members, they also go after their families if something goes wrong. Do you really want to risk mine and our baby's life just to say you are part of this club?"

"What's your plan brotha? You think Clay is just going to let us walk away?"

"He don't have a choice." Jax replies in a menacing tone.

Opie scrapes his hands roughly over his face deep and stares Jax in the eyes. Neither of them blinking. "We've been best friends since birth, you're my brother. I'll follow you on this. I hope you know what you're doing though."

Donna leapt into his arms kissing him hard. "Thank you so much."

"I guess it's time to get this done. The sooner the better." Opie held Donna close against him. "You girls should stay here, pack some necessities in case this ends like I think it will."

"I'll be back soon." Jax pulls me into him. "I told you this was really happening. I love you." He kisses the tip of my nose.

"Come back safe to me." I wrap my arms tightly around his waist and rest my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. Fear of what the club will do winning over.

"It's going to be fine. I promise." I feel his lips on the top of my head. "I'm gonna take the car to my bike. We will pick it up on the way back out of town tonight. Stay with Donna just in case." He orders. "Love you." He says once more as he's walking out the door.

…

JAX POV

"Jackson, where the hell have you been?" Gemma runs toward me when Op and I pull onto the lot at TM. She pulls me into a hug.

"I just needed some time." I reply.

"You scared the shit out of me and the guys." She slaps my shoulder.

"Sorry." I smirk and kiss her cheek appeasing her. "I need you to call church." I tell Clay before he can begin to question me.

"What's going on?" Gemma asks through narrowed eyes. She can sense something is up.

"Just club stuff. Don't worry."

"Where have you been? We've been looking everywhere for you?" Clay growls. "You're a part of my club you CAN'T just disappear anytime you feel like it."

I grit my teeth, "just call church and then you will get your explanation."

"Easy bro." Opie mutters.

"When do I get it?" Gemma crosses her arms.

"Later." I reply leaving her standing there. Op follows me inside. I take my seat waiting on the others to file in.

Gemma follows Clay inside and stands behind him. "I made a decision to let her hear the boy's explanation since she's been worried sick about him and he didn't have the decency to call his mother." Clay explained to everyone still glaring at me. "We're waiting." He stated.

"I'm sorry I just disappeared. I didn't mean to worry anyone. I just needed some time away to clear my head."

"That's not what this club is about." Tig interrupted. I never did like that asshole.

"How about you shut the fuck up and let me finish talking and then you'll get your chance to speak." I retorted through clenched teeth.

"You little…" Tig jumped up from his chair.

"Sit down and let him talk." Gemma snapped. That was one thing about mom, she may just be an old lady to the outside world, but in this club the guys all did as she said. Tig sat back down still scowling at me.

"I've had a lot of time to think about this and believe it's about all I've thought about. I'm not going to beat around the bush or sugar coat it. I want out. I'm moving out of Charming. You can fight me on this, but the decision has already been made. I'm leaving."

"And I'm going with him." Op spoke up for the first time since we got here.

From the majority of the guys were gasps. Clay's face contorted in anger. Gemma started to speak but Clay interrupted, "you can't just 'get out,' it doesn't work like that." He hissed.

"This club is your legacy baby, what's going on?" Gemma questioned in a high pitched surprised tone.

"I just realized there are things I want more."

"Like what?" She snapped.

"Tara," I answered simply, "and a life that doesn't revolve around cartels, drug or gun running. That isn't what the club was supposed to be about. It was supposed to be about brotherhood and Harleys. That was JT's original vision for the club before it became all about corruption and greed.

"You're throwing away your brothers for a piece of pussy?" Tig barked in disbelief.

"Don't you dare talk about Tara you piece of shit." I shot him a deadly glare.

"You better get in line son, because you're not going anywhere." Clay hissed.

"What are you gonna do, kill me?" I challenge, the adrenaline pumping through me has me ready for a fight.

"He's going to let you go." Dave burst through the door.

"What the hell is this?" Clay stood up fuming.

"I'm sorry Clay, I tried to stop him." One of the prospects muttered.

The guys had their guns in their hands ready to attack on Clay's command. I stood in front of my uncle.

"It's alright son," Dave patted my back.

"Lower your guns NOW." I screamed at them.

"Jackson, what the hell is going on?" Gemma walked toward me. "You're protecting this man, he's a traitor to the club."

"If you want a traitor, maybe you should look to your President. He had a hand in murdering my brother." Dave accused. My eyes snapped to his.

"You lying son of a bitch." Gemma screeched. "You are trying to warp my son's mind. JT hated you. You turned on the club."

"He hated me?" Dave smirked, pulling something from his back pocket.

The guys turned their guns back on him.

He held up a folded envelope. "Easy boys."

"What's that?" I ask.

He hands the letter to me and I open it. It's from JT.

"Yes and its postmarked two weeks before his death." Dave responds. "Go ahead, read it."

I read out loud,

 _To the one I never should have doubted. My brother,_

 _I'm sorry for the way we left things. You were right. The path we were headed down was a dark and violent one. I should have listened to your warning._

 _I feel like an outsider in my own club. The more I try to pull us out of the darkness the more Clay manipulates the guys to vote in another direction that's more violent than ever before._

 _Gemma thinks I've become weak. She hates me; she doesn't even try to hide her disgust. I'm certain that she and Clay are together now, they barely try to conceal it in public._

 _I know my time on this Earth is almost up brother, if you do not hear from me again then you can be certain that my death will come at the hands of my wife and best friend._

 _I love you brother, if my feeling is right please get Jackson away from the poison that Charming has become. Don't let him go down this road of darkness._

My voice cracked reading the letter.

"What is this shit?" Clay shouts.

"You probably wrote that yourself to get into my boy's head; John hated you." Gemma seethed.

"No." Piney stood up. "John wrote that letter. It's his handwriting and everything inside of it is true."

"What are you saying pop?" Opie asked.

"Think about it, he was the best damn rider on a motorcycle I had ever seen and he runs into a wall after Lowell Senior worked on his bike and then a few weeks' later Lowell ends up missing until they found his bones in a ditch out there on the highway earlier this week?"

I can't breathe. There's shouting all around me but I can't seem to focus on what's being said. "That's why you two were together right after the funeral? You said it's because I needed a strong role model to help raise me? You said we needed him. It was because you were fucking him before he was even dead?" The accusation flew out of my mouth and my eyes zeroed in on my mother.

"No, of course not baby. I loved your father."

"You're lying. I remember now. I remember it all-you coming out of the office or one of the apartments saying he was helping you fix something that was broken. I believed you, I didn't have a reason not to then. It was all bullshit. You've been lying from the start."

"No…"

"Save it. I'm leaving. I don't know if you had something to do with JT's death, but the fact that he was worried enough to think you would is enough for me." I pull the gun from my waistband, "is there anyone who is going to try to stop me?" I stare at each of them daring them to try.

"I'm out too." Juice stands up and moves next to me. "This ain't what I signed up for either."

"Aye," Chibbs agreed, "Jackie boy has a point, the shite ain't addin' up right." He stood behind me.

"It goes without saying but I'm going with the boy too." Piney added.

"Jax, wait, please just listen to me." Gemma reached for me. "You know I would never plot to kill your dad. I loved him."

I shook my head, "you love the club more. You would do anything to keep your rank and keep control within it. Clay worshipped you. He gave you what you wanted-you had the one person murdered who could lead me in another direction-one that you had no control over." I shake my head when she starts crying and pleading with me to listen some more, "let's go."

I climbed on the Dyna letting it roar to life drowning out the shouts of Clay, Tig, and the cries of Gemma. The guys all let me take point, falling in line behind me. This is it. I'm done with the one thing I was sure of my whole life and headed into a life of unknowns but as long as I have my girl and my best friend, I have more than I need.

 _ **A/N: Thanks for reading. Please review!**_

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	14. Chapter 14

The roar of multiple motorcycles in the distant had my heart racing. The worst possible scenarios are playing in my head, I can barely catch my breath.

"Holy shit," Donna gulps, "look." She points to the oncoming of bikes.

It's Jax, Opie, Piney, Juice, Chibs, and Dave. My stomach is full of butterflies, did they talk him into staying? I always knew that would be a possibility but why would Dave be here if that's the case?

"What happened?" Donna ran to Op as soon as he climbed off his bike.

"Yeah, how'd it go?" I add, placing my hands on Jax's shoulders. "Why are they here?"

Jax stares at me without a word for a few seconds before smiling radiantly at me, "they are coming with us. There's this." He handed me the letter. I read it silently.

"What about the club?" Donna asks.

"We're going to have a club-one with JT's original plan in mind, one where our families aren't at risk of being murdered in retaliation. That was never possible with Clay and Gemma in control, greed and corruption is too much for some to overcome. I think with Jax in the President seat and me helping guide him, it will be a club my brother would be proud of-not afraid of."

"You should be President." Jax answered. "I'm not ready to lead, not after everything I let Clay and Gemma lead me to believe about…well everything. I'm weak." He dropped his head, I squeeze his hand gently.

"You're ready," Dave argued, "you will be a great leader. Look around you. You led your brothers away from Clay's deception, they are here for YOU."

I gaze fondly in his eyes, "You can do this, baby. Just keep it legit." He nods.

"Guys…" Donna gestures out the front door. "They're here."

All six men pull their guns out in anticipation. "Tara, you and Donna get in one of the back rooms." Jax orders. "Don't come out until I say so."

I nod, pulling Donna toward her room. She's rocking back and forth cradling her stomach. "Please let them be okay. Please let them be okay." She mutters. I hold her against me.

It's quiet. The voices from outside are muted. I can't make out what they're saying. My curiosity gets the best of me. "Stay here." I say and tip-toe toward the front door. I just want to be able to hear what they're saying.

"YOU!" Gemma hisses when she spots me. My eyes snap to hers. She's standing between Clay and Tig with her bony-finger pointed at me. "YOU did this."

Jax turns and sees me giving me a disappointed look for disobeying his order of staying put in the bedroom but he reaches his hand out to me. "Tara didn't do this. I did this. This was my decision." He defends me.

"You made the decision to walk away from your legacy because of a piece of ass who has already left you once!" Gemma snaps.

"Everything that happened between Tara and me was MY fault NOT hers so leave her out of it." I growl. "This club is NOT my legacy. This is not what JT wanted for me. It was written right here in black and white." He holds up the letter.

"You are walking away from your family for a little gash who doesn't even love you, baby." Gemma gasped, "we don't walk away from people we love."

I grit my teeth, "what do you know about love? You only love those who benefit YOU or this club. As a matter of fact, it wasn't that long ago you were saying you wanted me to work things out with Jax and now I'm a 'gash' because I love Jax beyond money or club ranking."

"You loved him so much you were dating another man just days after you two split up? Oh yeah, that's the epitome of 'true love'." She sneers with an eye roll.

I smile, "Jax and I have both made mistakes in this relationship. We own that. What about you, Gem? You and JT were married, you 'loved' him so much he was afraid you and Clay were having an affair and would be behind his death. A few weeks later, he's gone. If that's your definition of true love then I'm happy to stick with my own because no matter what Jax and I have been through, I NEVER wanted him dead."

"You bitch…." Gemma growled.

"ENOUGH!" Jax shouted. "We're done here. I don't know what really happened with JT but I do know this, I remember you and Clay sneaking around when dad was on a run somewhere so you can stop with the lies. I'm done with the club and with you."

"You think it's that easy?" Clay and Tig asked in unison. "You think we'll just let you walk away."

"Go ahead and try to stop us." Jax snarled, stepping in front of me and repositioning his gun. The guys raised theirs back up as well mimicking Jax's expression.

"Stop it both of you." Gemma snapped and clutching her chest. "My heart can't see you two fighting." Clay lowered his weapon automatically and put his hand on Gemma.

Jax kept his focus, his nostrils flared. "Walk away and there don't have to be a fight. This is going to happen. Accept it."

Gemma fell to her knees still clutching her chest, "call an ambulance." Clay shouted to one of the prospects behind them.

I could feel the tension and worry rolling off Jax but his face remained impassive, which gave me hope that this would really happen and his mother wouldn't suck him back into her grasp with her Oscar winning performance.

"Just drive her there, it will be faster." Tig suggested, still focused on us.

"Jackson…" She reached for him.

He stares down at her, squeezes his eyes shut, takes a deep breath, "get her to a hospital." He orders but turns his back on her cries for him pulling me with him. The guys stand shoulder to shoulder building a wall between their new President and their old one.

"This ain't over, son." Clay yells back before climbing into Gemma's Caddy with her.

…

We made it back to San Diego in record time. Jax said there was nothing to worry about, Clay wouldn't dare try them with just a few guys. He would reach out and let someone else do his dirty work and that would take time and convincing. Piney and Juice had been contacting other SOA Charters since we arrived setting a meeting to explain the situation before Clay twists the truth to fit his needs. Every charter within a 500-mile radius agreed to come and sort things out with Jax.

It took a week for them all to arrive and the massive number of members all together worried me despite Jax's reassurance that everything would be okay. I knew the reach and pull Clay had, this all could be a set-up.

"Come with me." Courtney ordered Donna and me. She brought us downstairs, "this is our panic room. We had it built especially for conditions like these." She ushered us in and let the door lock behind her. It looked like a mini-house inside. A refrigerator and a microwave. Canned-food, bottles of water, couches, blankets, and pillows. There were surveillance screens in the corner from their security cameras that were scattered throughout the house. We could see but not hear the exchange between Jax, the guys, and the other charter members.

"If we don't need to worry, why are we in here?" Donna questions, pacing back and forth staring at the screen watching Opie.

"I've learned when it comes to the club, you can never be too careful. I don't trust any of them, outside of the ones that left to be with Jax. I just want you girls to be safe regardless of the outcome."

"And I want to be with Jax." I walk toward the door, knowing it's hopeless. She won't let us out until she knows we're safe. "He needs me with him."

"He needs you here," she says calmly, "he asked me to keep you here until the all clear was given."

That's so Jax. Of course he would go to the extreme to keep me safe. He would reassure me everything is fine when secretly he's as worried as I am.

I sit on the sofa and watch the screens, it's all I can do. It feels like hours I've stared at the screen wishing I knew what was being said when finally, they shook hands and were smiling. I exhaled sharply, realizing I had been holding my breath.

Jax made a hand gesture toward one of the cameras, Courtney unlocked the door. "He thinks it's safe." She didn't sound convinced but led the way back upstairs to where Jax was waiting.

"What happened?" I ask practically leaping into his arms, mine around his neck.

"They think I should take the club back. Vote him out." He answers, hugging me against him tightly.

"How?"

"It's like Gemma always says, it's my legacy. My father built the club, it was always supposed to be mine. They also don't think it's a coincidence that JT predicted his death. All the Charters are behind us. The guys and I are going to talk through it and figure out what the best course of action will be. I want your opinion though. What do you think I should do? Start a brand-new club or take over the one I was always destined to have?" I sigh and squeeze my eyes closed. "It's you and me, baby. Your opinion is what matters to me most. I want us to be happy with whatever move we make." He adds when I hesitate.

"I do think you should have your club but what about Clay, Gemma and Tig. They're not just going to hand it over and go off somewhere. They won't leave Charming. What about Dave and Courtney and the life they have here? You just found him again. Are you going to do this without him?" The questions were firing out of my mouth before I even had time to think of what I was asking. This whole thing has me nervous.

"All of that will be figured out." He kissed the top of my head, "no matter what we decide, Dave is and will always be part of the club."

 **Author's Note: Thanks for reading and thanks for your patience! My writers block has finally lifted. I'm sorry this chapter was so short, I wanted to get something out to you since it's been so long! As always, reviews letting me know your thoughts are always appreciated. Much Love!**


	15. Chapter 15

It's been weeks since we were in Charming, I've been trying to relax but still worried the entire time even with the extra reinforcements. After Jax explained the situation to the other charter Presidents there have been extra guard detail around all of us. They are all for Jax taking over Charming and want to make sure we all stay safe during that transition.

A man named Happy, that I've seen around the clubhouse before but never really interacted with has been one of the main guards for us. He's covered in smiley face tattoos which is odd since I don't think I've ever seen him smile. He's quiet and serious, not someone you'd expect to be nicknamed Happy. I'm too intimidated to ask him how he got that nickname though. Jax just laughs and says; 'you really don't want to know,' when I ask him about it.

"What's going on?" I ask, noticing everyone is looking more on edge-more on a mission than usual.

"Clay has reached out to multiple charters wanting a meeting, says it's about a traitor in the club." Jax answers, throwing clothes into a bag.

"So?"

"So it's time, we're going to give him his meeting." He answers busy with packing, not even looking at me.

My heart skips a beat. I was hoping for more time. I've known for days it was coming since they decided to take back the MC but I'm not in any hurry to go back and deal with the drama. I've been putting on a brave face but my nerves are almost shot. I don't even know what the plan is, mostly because I don't want to know how they plan to rid Charming of it's parasites. I do know that Dave and Courtney are moving there too. Court has discreetly accepted a position as Chief of Surgery at Saint Thomas. She specifically requested it not being publicized just in case.

"Hey," Jax drops his bag on the floor and tilts my chin up to look at him, "we're going to be okay. Every charter will be there for this. They're all in our corner, Clay is severely out numbered. He doesn't even know it."

I nod, worried that Jax may be underestimating Clay Morrow.

"I love you." He kisses the tip of my nose. "You and me; that's the most important thing here so if you don't want to do this, you need to tell me now." He gazes into my eyes, "all you have to do is say the word and we will stay here."

I shake my head and take a breath, "no, Charming is our home. The MC is your club. You were born to lead it…."

"But?"

I sigh, "but I need you to promise me that you will be safe, that you won't end up in prison or dead because of illegal ventures. I need you to promise that I'll be safe….and that I'll always be able to count on you to be there for me and our kids when we have them. I need to know you won't quit on me…again." I squeeze my eyes shut, tears burning them as my worries spew out into the open.

He gasps, "baby." He pulls me into his chest, holding tightly. I feel his lips on the top of my head. "You have nothing to worry about. I promise. SAMCRO is going legit. I won't end up locked up." He makes me look into his eyes again, "I will always be here for you and our future children. I love you. I've lived without you once and those were the worst weeks of my life. Hell on Earth to be exact. YOU, you are all I want. Not just for a little while, not until I become President, Forever. Just you. You are my love, my old lady, my queen. You are my heart and my lungs, without you I can't breathe. I won't fuck this up again. My will to survive is too strong and I can't live without you." His lips crush against mine and I feel myself and my worries melt away.

"Do you know what the plan is?" Donna asks Courtney from the back seat of Court's SUV. We're following behind the line of bikes on the highway, driving straight into Hell.

"We are going to stay in a hotel in Lodi and wait for Dave or one of the boys to come get us." She keeps looking straight ahead.

"I want to be with Opie. I don't want to stay at some crappy hotel while Opie's life could be in danger." Donna groans.

"Opie needs to focus and he won't be able to focus worrying about you and that baby you're carrying. You have to be smart especially when it comes to Gemma. We will stay at the hotel. We will have a few of the guys outside our room just in case. I know you both want to be with your boys, but worrying about you only makes them a bigger target."

I nod, she's right.

Donna shifts in her seat and places her head in her hands sobbing softly. "I hate this. We should have just stayed back at your place. We shouldn't be riding right into Clay or Gemma's grasp."

"Who's to say they wouldn't just come down there when we weren't prepared?" I ask. "I'm with you 100% on wanting to be with them to make sure they are safe but Court is right, they are better off not trying to protect us the whole time and getting themselves hurt in the process."

"Exactly." Courtney agrees.

Donna nods but doesn't look happy about any of it.

…. JAX POV….

I can see Clay greeting the guys who rode in first with big smiles, handshakes, and pats on the back. He thinks he's got his revenge in the bag but has no idea what's fixing to happen.

Then we lock eyes on each other, "what the hell is this?" He roars.

"You wanted him here so we went and got him." Packer explained. "We want to get to bottom of this."

"They turned their back on the brotherhood." Tig chirped in. "They're traitors. It's simple. Traitors meet Mr. Mayhem. We voted, it's going to happen."

"Right here and now." Clay added, staring me down.

"Are you going to do it?" I smirk, stepping forward with my hand wrapped around my glock.

"Easy boys." Bobby stepped up. "We all need to sit down and talk about this."

"No, I'm done talking." Clay argued. "He walked away from the club, taking several of our members with him. He walked out on this family and there's no forgiveness for that."

From the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Gemma standing next to the office door.

"I didn't walk away from the club, in fact that's why I'm here." I let my words register. "Let me ask you this before I explain. Was the vote for us to meet Mayhem unanimous?"

"Of course." Clay spat.

"No, it wasn't." Bobby disagreed. "I never agreed for any of this to happen."

"You were always on the boy's jock so you don't count." Tig laughed.

Bobby started to speak but I interrupted, "ENOUGH." All their eyes were on me, some were full of hatred, some amused but most were proud I was standing my ground, being the leader they all said I could be. Gemma walked up and stood next to Clay wanting to hear what I had to say. "I'm being accused of being a traitor, right?"

"Not accused," Clay hissed, "it's what you are."

"Except you're wrong. I didn't walk away from the club. This club is MINE and I'm taking it over TODAY." I pause watching the range of emotions cross each of their faces. "You see, I left long enough to figure out my next move. I believe you committed the ultimate betrayal by conspiring to kill my old man, and take over as President of the club and husband to…. her." I refuse to call her my mother and I see that my choice of words was like a knife to the gut. The pain evident in her eyes.

Clay let out a loud howling laugh. "You see this," he looks around to all of the other Presidents, "this is what I was trying to tell you. The boy is delusional. He's here to tear this club apart. Mayhem is the only option we have."

"No." Gemma cried out. "I won't let you kill my son." No matter what her feelings are about my decisions, she would not stand by and let someone try to hurt me. Not that any of that mattered, what she and Clay did was unforgivable. I can't prove she had anything to do with my father's murder but I do remember her cheating on him with the man who I do believe is responsible for his death. I don't know where that leaves us. She's my mother, as much of a pain in the ass as she is and as much as I want to hate her, she'll always be there in the back of my mind.

"Take their guns." I reply, watching the shock on their faces as multiple members put a wall between me and the guns that were once again pointed at me. Others, stripped both Clay and Tig of their weapons. "The little vote you had is irrelevant because we had our own vote on a much larger scale." I wave my arms in a circle, gesturing to every one of the other charters. "You, Tig, and anyone else who voted Mayhem is out. You are no longer a part of this club. Your ink will be removed. You will be escorted out of Charming and if you step foot across the line, Mr. Mayhem will be waiting. The garage will be renamed Teller-Winston." Opie and Piney's eyes met mine, neither of them had expected this revelation. I nodded at them and continued, "You will be completely erased from all records as if you never existed."

Clay's eyes nearly bugged out for a second before he reigned in his shock, "so you think that just because you're John Tellers' son you know how to be President of this club?" He crossed his arms and scoffed, "you don't have what it takes. This is MY CLUB!" He roars. "I won't give it up because of some bullshit vote that I wasn't privy to."

"Then you can be my next tattoo." Happy stated, with a ghost of a grin on his lips. He loved this shit, it's what he lives for.

"The boy will lead this club better than you ever could, he already is." Piney grumbled.

"Aye." Chibbs agreed.

"We're done here." I say, ready to see my girl again knowing she's probably pacing a hole in the floor with worry.

"Jax, if you let them go our family will never be safe." Opie finally speaks. "Our women, our children will never be safe." He's glaring into Clay's eyes. "You know he's not going to just walk away. He may not do the dirty work himself. He may have Tig do it. He may have one of the people in his pocket that's going to lose business because we're going legit do it, but he will have someone take away the only things we care about like we just did to him."

It was true. I knew it was true. Everything he said made sense. "You're right."

"We'll take care of it, boss. Go see your old lady." Happy slapped me on the back. He and some of the others herded Clay, Tig, and two of the Prospects into the back of a van.

"What about her?" Juice nodded to Gemma.

I stare at her, torn. I can't kill her. That's not even an option, but what do I do with her?

"I won't be a problem, son. Please just let me stay in Charming. It's home. I want to be a part of your life. You're all I have. I love you." She pleads reaching for me.

I step back instinctively, "you can stay just long enough until I figure out what to do. You are to stay away from here and my place though. Understood? If I get word that you are plotting anything against Tara, Dave or Courtney, or anyone in my family, you will meet the same fate as Clay. Go now." I leave her standing there and hurry off to go get Tara. "Kozik, you and Juice keep an eye on her. If she violates any of the rules let me know immediately."

"Will do, Pres."

I had to get used to being referred to as that but I had to admit, it had a nice ring to it. I've got a lot of work to do to get this club back on right path, all of that can wait until tomorrow though right now all I want to do is be with my girl.

...

"Girls, you both are making me nervous. Sit down." Courtney laughed. "They're fine. Dave called and said everything is okay so stop worrying."

"Did he say what happened? Where's Jax? Is he still there? Where's Clay and Gemma?" I fired the questions off rapidly.

"Jax will be here soon. He'll explain everything then." She chuckled.

"Well what did he say?" Donna pressed for more answers.

Courtney went back to looking over her papers with an amused expression. I'm glad she found this funny. I sure don't.

"Miss me?" Jax grinned when I ran out to meet him as soon as I heard the bike pull up.

I nod and jump into his arms squeezing tightly. "I'm so glad you're safe."

"Hey, I told you everything would be fine. We're safe. We overtook Charming, it's ours now."

"What about Clay and Gemma?"

He ushered me back into the hotel room and explained everything that happened. He said he wanted to always be one-hundred-percent up front with me about everything. No secrets, no lies. That's what he wanted our new relationship to be. Everything he knew about the club, I would know too. We are a team, he is President of the Club, but I am his Queen, his Old Lady.

I feel oddly at ease with Clay and Tig 'disappearing'. Opie was right, Clay would get revenge, one day when we least expected it if given the chance. Now, he would never get the chance. Now, when we figure out what to do about Gemma, we can move on with our lives, with or without her. I'm all for giving her a chance down the road, she's not always been horrible but we'll have to see how that goes. Right now, I'm ready to be Jax Tellers old lady and Courtney is helping me get ready for college. I want to be a Doctor, maybe even a Surgeon like her.

 **Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Reviews are always appreciated.**

 **Logan will be making another appearance soon**

 **SPECIAL SHOUT OUT: Amanda, thank you so much for your help with this chapter! 3**


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